I don't think there can be anything that compares to the frustration, exasperation, and total helplessness that comes with trying to re-learn the keyboard, spell, read and write in another writing system. It's torturous; you feel like a total idiot because you can't even get to the 'uh' sound because you just mixed it up with the 'ah' one. >.> Beware, long rant of irritated sixteen year old student to follow.
One of the most inspiring and yet totally depressing things on earth is to listen to a Korean converse in English. For that matter, just replace 'Korean' with anyone whose native language isn't English. Some of them try so hard-and they're terribly good at it. I wish I had that kind of dedication. From today, I really want to work towards that kind of fluency in Korean and I want to have that dedication to this language. But it's going to take lots of time, lots of energy, and a huge amount of passion for Korean and Korea. A while back, at least being inspired for the language was easy. Now, after camp, I feel that even that part of learning a language is a touchy subject and that no matter what I do, I will be failing in some way. Forty years living in Korea and working on Korean, and I will still be abusing, exploiting and bastardizing their language because I'm not a native speaker. Whew. Though they tried to make it sound less crazy, linguistics is the art of studying language but never fully getting involved in it; in other words, tip-toeing around other languages for fear that you will somehow insult the thing known as 'culture' that is, apparently, tied so closely with the language of a people. Terribly discouraging to all that aspire to speak a foreign language with fluency, especially a non-Germanic or non-Romantic language. I'm one of the latter. Ugh.
It's thrilling to hear someone speak English; even if they can't pronounce anything right and their grammar is horrible. I realized today that I don't hate my language; I like English. It's a great language, to spite having super-confusing grammar and the worst spelling system in the entire world. But if I didn't like English, why would it make me so happy to hear other people speaking it? It's not that English is a hindrance to me; English is an advantage and it's beautiful. That's what I realized today. Surprisingly (or perhaps not), it has taken me 16 and a half years to decide that I like my native tongue. I still feel mixed up about it. But I know I like it. A little.
At language camp this week we talked about the culture of a language. I honestly don't feel any cultural ties to my language; English is like a trade language, shared by people all over the world. I don't feel insulted when someone speaks English in a way that isn't the same as I do, or when they pronounce it badly. That's okay with me. They're learning English, or English isn't their native tongue, or they speak a different dialect.
So I didn't really understand this discussion about how people can be so righteous and high and mighty about their language or their supposed 'culture'. Perhaps it is my Christian roots that leads me to be so open to other languages; God created them all. Or maybe it's the fact that I speak what is so affectionately referred to as 'the bastard tongue'. Either way, I cannot and probably never will understand how language can be such a touchy topic. It's a language; you use it to communicate. It doesn't define you in your entirety; what defines you is your purpose in life. My purpose in life is to glorify God. This defines me more than my culture and my language ever could and I don't stand alone in this; there are thousands of other Christians across the world that have a common purpose and a common culture. This is not from the language they speak or the country they were born and raised in; this is from God.
Maybe I'm wrong; I seem to be incorrect more frequently than ever recently. But this is the shaky opinion I created for myself out of the truth while being submerged in the lies and confusion our modern North American, English speaking culture in these United States; trust me, it's not something I want to be proud of.
-Argentia
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