It Always Will Be Vague

The soft yellow and red lights became so very suffocating
Gentle eyes and half-smiles that appeared
Unforgettable images, like fireworks, suddenly assaulted me

The chill of some moment was precious
A chorus of maybe's and suggestions
I will turn away from it, perhaps never to return

For that time, every thought of this place dissolved
Caution became a kite on a spring afternoon
He found his place in the blue sky and took to the breeze

Instead there were the lights and the summer air
And a soft voice in my mind, a word of comfort
Never quiet but never too loud

Balancing so perfectly on each fencepost, just for peace
Walking the tightropes so well, swallowing your words
In the end I only see myself, my happiness, and my dreams,

If I could go back to that moment, to that time
I wouldn't have seen the assaulted, but the observer
Not chilled but warmed, not too quiet but actually rather loud

But we only have what we see in the spontaneous present
The magic, confusing moment of intense wonder
When we realize that our hearts are beating, we are truly alive

I don't know you but I know I can't go onward
I see the future but your memory causes pause
I don't have a reason but I no longer feel recklessness

Oh, may I fall in love with the future so that I am completely blind
So that I no longer go in these unreasonable circles
Tied up in fears, disgust; a fruitless attempt to analyze each glance

I want to see all of your faults and all of your imperfections
That way I don't feel so ridiculously cautious
I could approach love without regret only if I could understand it

I've returned to this sort of place, this place I hated with passion
Feelings that for a brief moment I had forgotten
Franticly rethinking it all, running from simple commitments

I replay my golden memories; I pray for their return
Does a good kind of greedy exist in this world?
If so, I have twice as much greed as new knowledge

I no longer see the wishes I had
I no longer act without consequences
I can lose and be lost, frightening and binding as it may seem

Yet I can't rid myself of the glow blocking my vision
The painful softness in every word and the quietness
Glimmer of the starry lights in a stranger's dark eyes

-
Argentia Krystofel 8/28/13