In Which I Miss Home

I miss home more today than I did on any of my Seoul adventures. I can't focus much these days and I have frequent headaches, which is started to become very frustrating. I'm bad at time management, and so I drew up a schedule yesterday....watch me ruin that schedule today by sleeping in this morning.
So right now I'm drinking coffee-yes, coffee at 4 PM because I am developing caffeine addiction. :( I'm going to try to go off of it soon, but if I miss it in the morning I have a migraine all day (probably the source of the frequent headaches). Sure enough, now that I have my coffee fix, my migraine is subsiding. I would rather have a glass of wine every evening than a cup of coffee every morning, but I happen to live in the country with the most convoluted drug and alcohol laws known to man.
Anyway, I miss home. I miss eating mom's food, sitting around and talking with them in person, and doing other things like baking and crafts with the kids. I'm not a very good older sister and hardly regular in when I spend time with them, but having been away for this long I am definitely feeling it. 
I miss baking at home. In fact, I'm starting to believe it is college students, children, and the elderly who keep holidays alive, mostly because all three of us like unhealthy home cooked sweets.
Actually I just want to try out some new rice flour recipes without having to go to the store and find small sizes of everything-I mean, where do you get an 'individual size' jar of cocoa powder? *raises eyebrow*
I also miss being able to walk around my house in whatever and not feel judged. Or even embarrassed. I'm not so brazen as to run around half naked in my house with three brothers, but I can still wear a gown and not feel scandalous. It's kind of hard to go get water from the common areas in the middle of the night in a gown here. It's actually impossible. =P So I must prepare by getting all that I will need *before* my shower. Wait, me prepare something? Are you crazy?
I also want to finish my game of Civilization III with my brother, and I would actually like to get caught up on Legend of Korra so I can talk with my other brother about that (and hopefully not insult his favorite TV show, as I've been known to do in the past).
Not to mention my youngest two siblings. Simon and Lillian can be annoying sometimes, but when it comes down to it, I love doing things with them. Simon is a little judgmental and he is definitely an old man in a child's body, but he knows more about animals than I would ever dream of knowing and he has his own creative side in regards to him. Even more interesting about him is that he has an adventurous side-take him where the animals are, it doesn't matter how far he must go to get there! This has caused him to develop and interest in Alaska and Australia. Lillian talks way too much and she can be overly emotional, but she's so creative and the most positive person I know. She also has an interest in things from Asia, so we can wreak havoc in our household meals with that common obsession. XD I also want to do makeovers with her again. And I wish I could do something fun with Simon, despite the fact that when I left for college he said 'good riddance'. ;)
Personally I've been suffering through something else since I came here, too. This blog is not so anonymous that I want to specifically put the details out here, but I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride of emotional highs and lows and total indecision. The worst part is nothing can actually be done about the issue now, or even in the near future. I'm just worrying and wishing and wondering for no reason at all except that it upsets me! Ah, the typical me behavior-a bump on a log with too much time to think and nothing at all to be done. I definitely have myself to blame for this paradoxical thought process; rather than getting out, or studying, reading a book, writing, drawing, anything else, I just choose to listen to music, stare at walls, and think. And think, think, think. This could be my idealism, but it seems like when I am at home I tend to, either by choice or by my mother's prodding, be more focused on dealing with things that upset me. I think I'm depressed, the environment being new and all, and so I'm not sure what to do with myself.
I recently noticed I have this habit-at home if I felt distressed or indecisive, or I was over-thinking something, I would go on a walk-the park or the factory down the street, or to Walmart.
When I was in Seoul, if I felt that way, I would just go to the Han River, or take a walk down Yonsei-ro. I'm not kidding; I did the same thing there as here; finding a place to go and going there is my therapy.
But I haven't found a nice place or way to do that here. :/
Anyway, I have digressed and now need to do readings. Overall I know I'll be alright; I just need some better time management, to halt my paradoxical thought process over something I cannot change, and to turn all of that energy into something productive.

So off I will go, still missing home but trying to make do with what I have.

-Argentia