Immature, Bitter

Tell me you did 
love these eyes and this
mind of mine, tell me
you haven't forgotten
the childish sweet nothings you 
spoke over the phone, 
2am, "high as fuck",
the "real you" was a
terrible storm which
I couldn't hold onto but
tantalized and twisted
about in my chest,
a wild animal of a man
a bruised and bleeding
lip, would it kiss
my skin?

hold my numb fingers
in your alabaster hand, 
balance on thin ice, darling
honey sweet child of mine
music at midnight
peace in the darkness of
our mutual escape flight,
I told you to 
treasure yourself and you
passed out pieces of your love
like political fliers,
so much like your father
desperate to be liked
desperate for approval,

but didn't you know
she was here? and you
shot at this frightened deer-
she ran, you seized her,
knife to my throat
lips to my ear
drunk on the bottom shelf
your ex pulls off a girl's belt
call me and
i'll let you slit me open
blood all down my neck 

was I too delicate to admit it? 
did it mean so much you 
had to preserve it? fossilized amber
like my glowing eyes
in the sunshine,
or did you never really mean
any of the little things, the glances and
prances of a child
who has something he thinks
he might want but doesn't
quite know how to get it?

were you too precious
for selfishness? 
I held onto you like a wish
only the stars and God heard it
that if and when all is worn out
and I get broken down,
the ocean would open up
and on the salt spray of the 
Outer Banks
you'd be around,

now I'm wrecked and ruined
you're a tragedy of a human,
and when you wake up tomorrow
and again in six years
you'll do it; you know you will
pounce upon me, adrenaline junkie
amphetamine haze of hiding
your disorganized attachment
puffed up in clouds of smoke and mirrors,
swiping left and right until your
disease makes you go blind.

the heart I loved far too distant,
a green flash on the horizon,
are you that unable
to remember when
you were sent to bed by me
with tear stains on your pretty cheeks
and the ache of your soul 
in mine,
so deep?