7 Months Ago

I still watch the same films
And I still read books of the same genres
I still have the same whims
And a strange fascination with commas

But my thoughts are somewhere beyond
It's farther than you would have imagined
But close to me as if joined by a great bond
A world that you would never have fathomed

You're probably thinking all of these things
That don't apply to me right now
But I am thinking about you, though sadness it brings
And I am simply wondering exactly how

You perceive me now; I guess I shouldn't worry
Insignificant, after all, I speak no more
Neither do I hear, see, or care, so you won't feel sorry
But they don't hear me, either, I know for sure

My voice is a quiet whisper among the masses
Do you think we could be friends now?
Now that I don't gaze through tinted glasses
Now that I see the whole picture in front

I've been thinking of you a lot today
And yesterday, and the day before that, it's always here
The thoughts of you and your funny way
Of making me feel frustrated yet happy whenever you were near

For a while there, I wanted you to know
The pain in someone else's eyes
Drove me to changing into this, just to show
Those silent moments I asked "who cries?"

The summer days were warm and humid
It rained nearly all the time, as if the sky knew
The way that we had all been somehow wounded
By the days that had worn us through

But by now, I'm doing okay, actually, better
I might have changed just a little
As I sit here, I compose a short, simple letter
And you can see into my world now.

The time since the last picture of you and I
Has been nearly filled, yet I worry
And I still miss you a little, and I ask why
You came into my life and left just as quickly?

I don't want to be left without words.


-Argentia

Then I thought about it...

"...I’ve been nervous and worried under the pressure that I had to please people.”

 It happens to be the first day in a while that I can connect my thoughts enough to really *understand* what sentences and situations actually mean to me, rather than just sort-of nodding my head and going on, so please expect more writing. >.< I've got about fifteen drafts of blog posts that I haven't published yet haven't deleted, and I'm not sure why, but maybe they will eventually see the light of day. I still feel a bit confused when I try to sit down and write, and focusing is hard, but, I'm doing much better compared to last Wednesday. What's better, I can breathe! XD
 The above sentence in italics inspired the thoughts that follow.

..............................

 Although I am tempted to expect a person who is older than me to immediately be able to take care of themselves and to understand what their intentions, motivations, aspirations and emotions are, I'm slowly starting to realize that sometimes, adults don't always realize what they want, either. It's not just a thing that we 'teenagers' 'young adults' or whatever, who are stuck in between, suffer from. Adults are also sometimes trying to figure out what they want and who they are. I'm not the type for philosophy, so I won't go on and on about searching for self worth or anything like that (I'm a Christian, so my self-worth and the point of my life is found in Christ-therefore, I don't even worry about those things), but there are times when a person is just confused about everything, including themselves.

....................................................



 I am inspired to write thoughts upon sentences deemed insignificant by most.
 To me, that one statement means so much, because for one thing, I relate to it so well.^.^

Something else I care to write, but I'm saving it for a few hours...I have lots to do. T.T


 -Argentia Krystofel

Quiet Stargazing

It's quiet, I feel distant
Deep inside, everything is so loud
But out here, in this instant
It's completely silent, 'cause no ones around

I'm completely alone, watching stars fall
My eyes trace them
Burning in the back of my mind after all
Even after they're gone

I suppose I can't fight it anymore, cause it's here
The site in front of me, the bright lights
The person I was before now is no where near
It's something completely different

Oh, the stars are shining in the dark, deep sky
Lit every night with the sun's last breaths
They shine bravely until morning is nigh
When the sun takes back what it gave

They're beautiful all the same,
God must have known I would like them
Just as when he gave you a name
He knew that I would whisper it in my prayers

So often there is the question of why
Or what exactly I did at what time
I question it all, and then defeated, sigh
It's not my place to do that

It seems somewhat strange, somewhat crazy
Like I'm half of something wonderful
And then half of the reality that is growing hazy
As I blink in the cold, dry, winter air

I wrap my arms tighter about myself
And I look upwards to the heavens
Searching for the silver pieces that show the King's wealth
Cascading thoughts surround me

Little first moment; when was it?
I actually have no idea
You could search forever, yes, never quit
I certainly have done that

And I still can't tell you when
I first saw a star in the sky
And I still can't tell you when
I imagined I'd be where I am

And I still can't tell you when
I first saw the night's darkness
And I still can't tell you when
I'll understand any of this



Writing helps me get stuff off of my mind. I'm amazed if this even makes any sense, considering how I can't really write or make sense of anything concerning letter right now....or words...
 They don't seem to form quite right. And even if they do (like they are right now), I spend a lot of time back-tracking to *just makes sure* I got ever last one in the right place.
 Because it's either really funny or a real pain when you start typing/writing like English is your second language.

 *crazy part of my brain* It is, it is!!! Japanese was your first language! You just don't know it!!!

 -Argent

 (Actually, the chances are higher that *German* would be my first language, since my Dad speaks fluent German, but...I'm pretty darn sure it isn't. It would never explain my grammatical issues, since German has similar grammar to English)

Poem, My Newest Endeavor, and NaNo

On funny note this picture reminds me of my times spent in Florida on vacation in January several years ago. It was fun, I can't say I miss it too much until I saw this picture. The only difference...I think this was taken in L.A. I wish my friends in Cali weren't total nut cases or I'd go over and visit sometime. XD

Place I cannot name

People I don't always know

I'm living here, you're living there

I'm part of a country, of a world of people

It's a feeling in a place of world renown.

Don't be so distant, vague or lukewarm

Do you feel dead inside?

Faces en mass, always grim

Never will I find the courage here

The here-and-now of this world

I'm part of a place, a group I mustn't leave

It's the depth of my soul that's calling out

Don't be so lost, so dark, so hopeless

Do you feel dead inside?

Does the scorn hurt or blind or make you reconsider?

Does it make you wish you were here?

It's...a strange poem. I was mostly rather confused at the moment when I wrote it.

My newest endeavor-To get well. I've got a sinus infection, and I'm warning you-You don't ever want one. >.< Ahem, actually, I have three newest endeavors.

 The first is to get over my sinus infection.

 The second is to actually start learning how to write/read Japanese. Since I've got books for it, I might as well start. But I want to do it with...dedication. With a schedule. 

 The third is to become more daring. More willing to do whatever I must to do whatever I want to do. I can't do things when I'm scared to death to take risks and make mistakes. Maybe I can be afraid, but I need to be willing to take risks, to spite my fear.

 As to Nano-Yeah, I didn't make it this year. When you feel like your sinuses are going to explode and you're running a (low-grade) fever with chills, you won't feel like cranking out 3000 words, either. Still, I feel sad about it because, honestly, I could have done it today. The antibiotics, the sinus rinse, the Nasonex and the lemonade (to drink, not to put in my nose. :P) have made this entire day WAY better than yesterday. With that in mind, I feel bad because NaNo didn't last a day longer. I feel bad that the last day of November, my favorite month, and a good friend's birthday, was spent shirking duties and running amuck trying to get stuff to make me better and to write notes to people I don't know. I don't really *regret* doing those things...I just wish the day had been at least...10 hours longer? :P

 At any rate, my novel is no where near complete, and I still have to write a lot of scenes, but for now I want to edit, because I know what I wrote in the latter part of this month is absolute crap so I need to fix it.

 Besides.

 My male characters talk too much and act like girls, so...ummm...I need to really do something about that.

 The good news is I started out well, I still think I started out well, and I know that with that I can edit and make this amazing! ^.^

Onward to make up for two days of missed History, Bible, Science, Math, and Grammar, and three missed days of Geography. I get the feeling I'll be doing school on Saturday...don't you?

-Argent