Trying to Fly

"I think I don't know at all yet...what or who I am."

This summer was one of the best of my life. I stayed home in Wytheville, my little hometown in the mountains that no one knows exists. I worked at Subway, almost 38 hours towards the end of my stay, and it exhausted me and taught me how unimportant people think service jobs are and how much I need and love coffee. I spent time with my friends, old and new, and I questioned love, affections, loyalty, choices, and dreams over and over again.
I learned how to set a car into a spin (but I still don't know how to use the turn signal), and I discovered the pain of returning to a place you left in fear and frustration. I felt the chilly breeze of midnight in deep summer and smelled the perfume of asphalt and hay on Cove Road. I dipped my feet in the cool puddles at Dismal Falls and gazed upon the crystal clear blue of Holston Lake. I saw the wonders of the quiet hillsides and the glitter of bustling New York City. I discovered that sometimes, it's the boring guy who is most charming, and sometimes, we want that which we do not need.
I prefer drifting over speeding and stargazing over sunsets, and I don't like Starbuck's Flat White. I would trade candy for fresh raspberries any day, children are more of a handful than I realized, and getting less than enough sleep will never be the end of the world (though you might not remember anything the next day). More things make me cry than they used to, more people make me smile than before, and more memories have been made than I can count. 
I'm back at school now. I'm not the woman I was last semester or the woman I was this summer in Wytheville. I'm changing, growing. I will never be that person again, and that's okay. I'm still learning how to fly. Discovering, in a unique and personal way, who I am, who I want to be, and how to get there.
Sure, it's my fourth year of school, but how does that change anything?  We're young and very, very free, and we can do anything.
So when friends come to me asking me, "how do I spread my wings?", I hope they realize that they're changing, growing, improving, and being. Don't plan yourself out of options. Don't always stay with what feels safe or what you know best. Go out and explore everything and everyone. Then you will be a bird in the sky, not a fish in the bowl.

-A.K.-

Daniel

You will be alright
Waltzing through a rainy night
Tires go tapping the shoulders
Of tiny mirrors
Bringing them to a watery tremble
Hands shaking and eyes
Dwelling for too long
Stars murmur words
But they are too deep and low for us
Let the music fill me up
Colors and images
Freedom knocks loudly
Echoing the drone of rumble strips
You will be alright
Though by the end there are tears
We could predict them
Like a misty downpour at closing time
Or the smell of burning rubber
As your cologne
Driving too fast through the mountain
Catching pale ghosts
With headlights
And looking back too often
At the feelings unspoken
You will be alright
In the precious hours before dawn
Of all the Peter Pans
So very charming
And childish
I will remember this with clarity
Don't tremble so often
Or cry alone
Hold on a little while
For you will be alright,
And so will I.



-A.K.-

K

I hate myself for searching each crowd,
as if stares might materialize you,
beam you down
on the arms of the summer moonlight

I hope you find what you're seeking
with sad, sweet, deep brown eyes
fiery sparklers, gold
and red and purple and burning up the night

You rest a hand on your warm chest
hiding tender feelings, racing
through a beating heart
desperate for a purpose yet to be realized


In your half-smile I see a hidden self,
lost and alone, wrapped in the dark sky,
the flickering stars
tears left untouched by lovers
 
I wonder if I could let you go away,
with the chances we never had,
packed in your suitcase
of dreams you feel too small to chase.

The Cold Glow

We all live in the city
under the gray sky
of cold wintertime
you work two jobs
and dye your hair
come in late
when it's dark
you sleep
in front of the TV
and you grab hold of me
pull me in, kiss my cheek
kiss my forehead,
I bring the pain pills for
your lifelong body aches
yearlong heartbreak
my eyes are a light
smoked up with
humid summer morning
gray as the rain
pale as the cityscape
of last night's wanderings
and I can see her
behind dusty windows
frail and pretty
as I scale the lighthouse steps
from the rose garden
where your lips
are small and lovely
cracked and bloody
what of the light?
surely she will jump
out of her skin
so I leave her to you
perhaps to kiss you
perhaps to love you
perhaps to waste away
she'll be our pain
to bear.

Rumble Strips

Where did it begin?
Somebody else could
Probably tell you better,
Because they say
She didn't even try to love me. 
Every twenty-four hours is
A new rush of my insecurity,
Faces on low-lit screens
Hands trembling, oh yes
I forgot, I'm an addict
To the adrenaline rush I got
When it hurt me, it was
A long time back, don't mind it.
Sometimes, I can't hold my tongue
You're so beautiful and I
Just want to hold you,
I'm scared of the rest so don't
Dare imagine
My frail body lying
Across from you, tonight I
Nearly crushed it
On the cold asphalt, the ride
Was terrifying and
Glorious, stripping away
All of my fears and anxiety in one
Quick jolt.
Please, I would never hurt you,
And I'm scared of all their eyes
Pulling at my body, and reaching for
My soul, if I ever die
Let me go in the quiet night,
Comfort me once more,
Kiss my lips, and
I will sleep
In peace.

My Arms

Are these frail limbs which entwine
About his body, he knows not my
Heart’s frightened drum solo,
Guilt stains, it cuts deep, it is sleepless,
It’s just culture, the empty approach.

-A.K.-

May 2015

His Laughter

To choose a single memory
Summer 2015, free and flying
Of festivals and lakes and
Flirtatious sunsets

Among the many things
Unforgettable, irreplaceable,
It would be the boy
Curled up and laughing

Hands over his flushed face
He runs fingers through his hair
Eyes sparkling in childish glee
Too strong for me, too strong

He glances at us, and his whole being
Is a dead-giveaway
Giggles spill over his lips like
A waterfall in spring.

4 Minutes

You'll become an old man
And your father, a child
My eyes burn with
This humbling reality

Hold on, please I
Can't stop you from going
Don't you know how deep
This passage of time runs?

-A.K-

For That Auburn Girl

You're a quiet reminder
Of human distance
And too many assumptions
A lot of give
And no take makes
A person miserable,
You fade out among the voices
You slide silently into the arms
Of little thoughts and wild ideas
I see it in your eyes
Glancing carefully
Crumbling in slow motion
Small, and delicate
In other's minds
In other's whispers of love
Please
Live for you this time.

Deliberately

Drenched in the blue-green light
Of a quiet summer night,
I saw his chin and I saw his mouth,
My head in his hands,
His breath, heavy like a dying man,
But he was alive
Enough to pull me into him,
Kiss me again, and again
And again,
Till the lights cry out their final blaze,
And the color fades
Slowly, sweetly,
When there's just blood in our veins,
So you stretch your body
Across the sky, while
Your chest takes in the starlight,
It was just your teeth and tongue
So honest,
With dry lips and beating hearts,
As if a sudden fog came
Then lifted.

Hit and Run

Don't go slow in your black shoes
Speeding cars will take you down
I won't turn around

Never have I felt you breathing life
Like it's slipping through your fingers
The way I do now.

If you had been caught quickly by it
No more of your beating heart, no struggle
Or suffocating humidity.