Saturday, May 30, 2015

Lukewarm Advice

when I opened my eyes
took my first breath of a life
without you to envision
good decision
you knew what you had done
and who I had become
if you can conjugate this
then I'll hand it to you
it's been too long ago
for you to even know
and true I was very young
but you were once, too
a child with a hurt heart
grew up and found me
to break in half
with your dazzling eyes
sometimes a pity, and truly
sad you seem so lonely honey
and some nights
I need to hold you, but you know
we don't actually need
anything which we want
we just think
we do.


Monday, May 25, 2015


Invisible, hanging above his head
On his own gallows, oh the ropes
of time and heartache, they spiral
twisted and splintered in a broken waltz
Don't you think you've heard enough
Scared and anxious, your ears bleed
the deep red of a young syndrome too
hard to break away even if the blade hurts
Just press down, pain versus pain, the grit and
willpower is better than any drug, you need it
No liquor will solve this problem, all the demons
crowd around her body and it consumes you
Why stoop so low, your father questions
but you close your eyes, give him peace,
Somewhere there's retribution,
vindication, but like his childhood hero
he can't feel what's in front of his eyes
Fold his hands, let him be silent
pray to the empty blackness
of a child's mistake, all his fault is
an adult sorrow, a blazing bulb
burns the hands which remove it
twisting, screaming, metal to metal, lips to lips.


Sunday, May 24, 2015

Red Bricks of Glory

Kiss the tremulous waves as they
Creep up the dirty shores
Revealing our past mistakes, I
Let my feet sink into brown sand

You're wrapped up in your skin
No one else has that look
Red shirt, sweep your hair back
Yeah you got a watch tan coming

In my pale fear I'm tempted baby
To glide out into the dark waters
In my pale fear I'm starting baby
To think you don't love me anymore

Bet you like climbing through the deep
Appalachian mountain night
Under the canopy, Utopian moonlight
Clothe me in these misinterpretations

You're wrapped up in your skin
No one else has that look
Red shirt, sweep your hair back
Yeah you got a watch tan coming

In my pale fear I'm tempted baby
To glide out into the dark waters
In my pale fear I'm starting baby
To think you don't love me anymore

I had to try so hard to get here 
These red bricks of glory
They come at a price, long story so
Damn it all if you still think I'm stupid

Do you romanticize city light spirals
From the wings of a bird
Behold a metropolis without a word
You missed a step in the waltz of fate

In my pale fear I'm tempted baby
To glide out into the dark waters
In my pale fear I'm starting baby
To think you don't love me anymore

In my pale fear I'm tempted baby
To glide out into the dark waters
In my pale fear I'm starting baby
To think you don't love me anymore...

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

The Semester Ends...

Everyone greets me for a good summer
But I was in denial, semester's end
Does not exist, surely you would stay awhile,
Yet this cruel world carries on anyway

I will stop complaining now, good sir,
But without you, summer is long,
There is no more wonder-struck dawn
Yet the sun will rise early anyway.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Love Poem

Perhaps you rest your weary mind on the
Brilliant sunrise, bare arms against her
Flaming skin, but I beg you, darling,
Do not draw on my door with tearstains

I long for the touch of golden moonlight
Against my heart, perching on a hillside
Is your castle, but I must journey and I call
If your voice answers not, I will turn away

Does your heartbeat flash like a beacon
Lighthouse on the tumultous, unknown sea?
Cursing and beating against trembling hopes
Might it be seen, with hands outstretched?

When you open your beautiful eyes to
This great world, study the starry cosmos
And every brick in these old walls, so alive,
When you breathe, please remember me. 

A simple title for a simple poem.


Fallen from Sainthood

These nights at home are too quiet sometimes
While sister drifts off, into her silent worlds
She runs to sentences as if they are a refuge

Rain is like the sky's agony thrust in my face
My ex's new boyfriend looks nothing like me
I've never been special, too ugly and stupid for her,

Honestly, if I stand still a while, my world might end
So I keep moving, just so I can breathe again
And I know the truth, but I deny it, "afraid...afraid of himself..."

Most people will never see inside this quiet heart,
Hiding broken dreams, starlight studded aspirations
"Of course, I hate cursing,", yet I still understand it.

From March 2015


Saturday, May 9, 2015


"It's simple," again, and there is no following
any steps on that guitar, echoing
through red bricks which breathe
secrets, I think history has a voice
too, unlike me who feels that
I've lost it beneath the constant
cascade of your thoughts, this is all you do
with a brain, don't say it, you won't you're
well aware that I have been chewing
my lips and boba to avoid my opinions,
I disagree with your reality and you
with mine, sixteen, sixteen you probably
were tearing up the world, driving
fast cars, I'll admit it honestly my heart
fluttered, but I feel misunderstood, even
after the soft, warm embodiment of embrace,
when your misty jade green eyes fill
with something I am learning to
realize, I'm not giving in to you
only a foolish girl would stay in this place,
for you won't change and neither
will I abandon what I believe, perhaps
I am choosing the quiet journey but
it is so very lovely, the purity of
curling up in a feeling, lost in the ocean
of knowing that I can be without
words, and I feel my heartbeat in the
silence, closing my eyes,
it's somehow beautiful to be at ease
when I see him, sweet and unassuming,
I'm not convincing myself, I'm not following anything,
I just know it.

Once a year, I do something impulsive. This was that day. Mixed feelings. I can't condense the words into proper poem. It's just this for now, I might edit later. 

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Don't You Worry, Baby...

I'm only swimming.

Wow, I can't believe it's almost over. My semester is wrapping up. I have one final and a presentation left before I am finished. I'm not ready at all, guys.
I feel like this year just started, where did the time go? I can still remember when I first arrived at Shea House. It seemed so big and strange here, and I got lost looking for the dining hall.
Now that summer is peaking out from the curtain of spring, we are all about to leave. I have made so many friends and enjoyed so many good times. I feel so overwhelmed by it all.

Of course, now that the semester is ending and a new season beginning, I feel that I am embarking upon new things which are equally big and strange, and I know I'm going to get lost looking for things.

But I'm ready for it. I'm not worried. I'm only swimming.


Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Summer Charlotte

Lazy white clouds are floating in
A powder blue sky over green trees
Over the glass windows, the purple lilacs
David Matthews is softly singing, "crash into me,"

At night the East Range is so quiet,
Old and burnt red, crusting away in dust
Time is frozen, my father's dwelling once
Every time I pause to feel this place, deep inside

A small child remembers little
But the colors and smells precious to her
So I have been made a child by this feeling
Once again returning, summer's smallest, quiet joys

Some say nothing good can come here
I may agree with them, on the bad days,
But I've been seeing his smile and brilliant eyes,
So impossible, but the most beautiful things, my friend,

Are hidden in the guitar's mumbling and
The sweet hum of a violin, warm murmurs
Of the trumpet, the drum like my heart, skipping
Away, oh, I need you, I need this place, if only for an instant.

"you've got your ball you've got your chain
tied to me tight tie me up again
who's got their claws in you my friend
into your heart i'll beat again
sweet like candy to my soul
sweet you rock and sweet you roll
lost for you i'm so lost for you"