Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Mister (아저씨)

that mister won't leave my head,
like the taste
of good coffee brewed
in the afternoon, he is smoking up
my mind like gray, snowy days
in the cold subway,
true gentleman
sending me off properly,
his sleight frame coming
from somewhere I
might not return,
as I slid down the streets
of Incheon, I saw
my own reflection in the ice,
little frozen rivers
spilling from fish tanks,
where the trapped squid
protests, his tentacles
stuck to the glass,
when your eyes grew wide and
you swore you'd
see me more, I wondered
like I have before
if his hands
knew their way to mine,
mystically, like the air
around him seemed to
make me drunk, starry eyed
that day in the sunlight,
pasty smell of
wet paint and cold stone,
in the past I could see
his body next to me
and never did I take myself
this seriously, the
is our greatest temptation
we shut ourselves down
and block it out,
regardless of the reason
winter is a bad season,
love under blankets and
wrapped up in sweaters,
a dangling lure
on a wire
he's never said his desire,
might be the same as mine
but I think I saw it
that day
in his warm brown eyes,
or perhaps his embrace
less careful than before,
smelling of his newest
risky behavior,
he won't get out of my mind.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

"oh, casual" (NaPoWriMo Day 4)

show me
how you learned to
take your clothes off
so easily, i don't think
i'll ever learn to
live like that
i'm probably, yes
most likely an idealist,
casual just doesn't
appeal to me,
sex with strangers is
too much and i
accidentally have
conservative morals,
what's a stranger?
i'm so glad you asked, boy,
cause i'm not sure,
i'll probably keep
looking around,
hanging on
to my middle-school
view of love,
dazed and blurry eyed
and young, i can
never be too serious---yet,
i'm still not enough fun,
wondering if
some amazing romance
will hit me, until then
i guess this
is who i am.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Dismal (NaPoWriMo 3)

Deep forest green are the trees,
their backdrop the gray
Jeju skies of winter,
we fly
down a mountain road, it
reminds me of that time
I broke through
the clouds
sleeping over the island,
but I could still see
Mt. Halla,
"jejune" sounds like
Jeju, and it echoes my past 
of naive happiness 
as if I were screaming
into a canyon,
but instead of returning
my voice just keeps travelling
on and on and lost forever,
a song repeats
in my head, it tastes
like cigarette smoke,
car exhaust, and
fried red bean bread,
steaming warm
in my gloved hands,
bought in a grimy subway station
in old Seoul,
the young man
who is singing, he knows
the dreary days I
keep seeing, he feels
this lukewarm winter,
painting the landscape
a dull pallet 
of breathtaking wonders 
gone cold, and 
old joys made

I wrote this about winter in Jeju, and the depressed feelings I experienced during my winter here. One of the things that made me feel better during that time was Kim Namjoon's mixtape, as I felt like he understood what I was going through. I wanted to capture that experience for a long time, but I couldn't really write until I started feeling better. 

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Springlight (NaPoWriMo 2)

Sun shines bright
and the waters of Jeju Harbor
match the color of the sky

The sunlight filtered through
her yellow hair, and across
the flowers on her white dress,

Front seat, windows down
she turns to me and says
"but you have a boyfriend, right?"

I feel confusion swell up,
then I remember you,
almost forgotten, almost gone,

"We broke up," I blurt out
louder than I intended
far too insistent, I look away

She apologized, and somehow
it was more meaningful
than anything you ever said.

우리가 앞으면서
미안하고 잘못한다는 말
다 필요없다

인생은 잘 모르겠지만
그대에게서 사랑을 받았으면
같이 행복하게 살고 싶었다.

While we are in pain
words like "I'm sorry", "It's my fault" 
are completely unnecessary

I don't know much about life,
But if I had received your love
I would've lived happily with you. 

I claim no expertise on Korean poetry. This is just some thoughts made to look like poetry, so yeah, I know nothing about stylistics, etc. 

Platonic Awareness (NaPoWriMo 1)

something about you
makes me feel like I'm young
and alive, fourteen years old
and unstoppable,
something about you
reminds me
of the ocean and the waves
and what summer really is,
something about you
reminds me of life before
I became as I am and stopped
knowing what I'm here for,
were you aware?
you're the first person
I warned, and told you
I wasn't someone you could
attach yourself to,
I wouldn't accept
your heart, but don't
get the wrong idea,
truthfully mine wasn't even taken
at that moment
I just said it was,
it's not because
I thought you weren't amazing,
it's not because
you aren't beautiful like that,
even before I met you
you made me laugh,
your electricity on the train
those words you said to make
a first impression, and then
that rainy day
when you told me about
the crazy way you
regardless of our experience,
I thought I couldn't go alone
now I know
a strength of my own,
although you're gone
I miss you.

This poem kind-of collapses halfway through in to sputtering and nervous lines which make no sense and reveal no definitive ending, exactly the same way this friendship has done.