C.E.K.

Sometimes I miss you fiercely
Nothing can appease it except a
Replay of the past in my mind
And it twists inside of me
Until my heart is a knot
Wrapped around your final image
Standing in the dining room
Flushed with warm summer light
I can't recall the details
Yet I can still see your eyes
Looking far away, avoiding me
And the heart you jump-started
Neither of us knowing
How it would be abandoned so quickly
In what way did I captivate you?
Why did you first speak to me?
The answers evade me like my memories,
RC cars and stepping-stones and
Shelves of comic books begging you
To indulge in childishness for a while, I feel that we
Set out wrong from the beginning
And yet what kind of ending
Would have been better?
I cannot imagine
A life without having known you
Yet look at us, here we are,
Strangers again
Casting shy glances across the church pews.


-A.K.-

Lavender

By sheer chance I have wandered,
Into a lavender garden
At twilight, with the symphony of cricket songs
I visualize and erase you,
Visualize and erase you
Until you become a distant memory of this time
Youth turned to adulthood,
Sacrifice converted to tears,
We are not yet ready for true love, so here I
Stand silently, at the top of a hillside
And I visualize and erase you,
Visualize and erase you
Until you become a distant memory of this place.

Just Beneath the Surface

There are days when I wish I had
Camouflage all over me so
No one would see this pale fear
Scratching at my skin
Clawing at my chest to be released
From the prison of my flesh
Glistening in the sunlight
Etched with blue and purple veins
Highways mapping my soul
Unstoppable, unavoidable
I am a patch of snow in the summer
More than what I lack is what I am
An unfamiliar blemish
Unable, unchangeable,
Sometimes I wish I could dissolve
Gray matter slipping through your fingers
If I could pull this skin off of me,
Trust me, I would
Should I mutilate my face
To heal your blindness?
Why do I feel like you push me
So far away
Based simply on my reflection? 

Weekend of Rain

This was the weekend of rain,
Dripping between the cracks of my consciousness,
Settling on the grass
Puddling at the roadsides
Repeating the cry of headlights
On it's trembling surface,
A quiet time for us to sleep
Drifting in with the rolling mists
Swelling up and over the mountains,
I spend this moment in peace
Lost with my thoughts
Reflecting on him and the footsteps'
Gentle pittering, tapping on my umbrella,
I close my eyes, deep sigh,
This city grows old and quiet,
Silently reaching inward
Stretching for a piece of myself
I can't grasp, but I know is there,
Raindrops on my skin shatter the chilly haze
Bringing me back to the crosswalk
Waiting for a red light
On the weekend of rain.

The clouds drift in
Thunder rumbles, trembles, in the distance
Echoing across these old mountains
Like a far-off drumbeat

My eyes grow tired
With the summer heat and heaviness
You always laugh at me, dizzy
And so much afraid, yet not of the storm

Step softly about the house
Anticipating, leave the windows cracked,
Too fat and swollen with late August air,
Suddenly, I hear the hush of rain

In the gray quietness
I curl up on your bed
Your voice, rhythmically
Hums and whispers a song I do not know

Sleep has fallen on me
As rain hits a shingled roof
Ah, the lullaby is so sweet
You and the downpour embracing.

A.K.