Passive Aggressive

You're just being passive aggressive again,
all over again cause I dared you
I dare
dare to do as you told me
I see as many "others" as a rap star
has nasty words for girls
and I might just have the capacity for
the kid with pink gums and
his foul mouth written on
arms of compensation
and insecurities,
oh come now,
let's not be jealous
let's not be
let's just, just let me,
pass you a sly grin and
a slip of paper folded like
pocket triangles, did you ever
even consider why
I chased down boys in
suit coats
with the illusion of decency?
make me wash my mouth out
no wait-
wait wait wait
wait-I'll bleach my throat
can't get any whiter than this I guess
I was up til 3am with my eyes burning
on the emptiness of coloration,
and the lack of pigmentation,
go ahead, make me wash my mouth out--again--
before I throw up
cause hearing all that dirt
makes me believe
one day I'll be forced to swallow
sleeping pills
with vodka
I mute him
mute every line I can
physically, mentally understand
lips against the wall of
pain and fear
stop your miniature coup
against the freedom you gave
me, you cut this leash so I cut his,
how can I breathe in your mind,
if you store this regret inside of it?
what do you see?
when your dark eyes dilate
and greet me at dawn,
I'd truly love to know how my soul looks
in that dusty little corner of your mind
when you remember me.

"Get Grown"

I know where you were coming from
sending off the kid,
with big dreams and big eyes
running around trying to sell out of
her precious heart just for cultural lies,
a little manufactured taste of fire
with you, the psychological flight risk
of adult proportions,

Oh, I know where you were coming from
I've been sending off the kid
with sterilized ambitions in his green eyes
and it's like running around in circles all night
in my bed alone, you know,
this one has been my sane comfort
for so long, five years is clearly
more painful than a mere moment with you,

I get where you were coming from,
when you put my heart through the tragic
"you're too young get dreams get grown"
now show me how to
put this boy through a heartbreak so
he doesn't fall asleep
with tear stains on his cheekbones and
whispers of his soul in my
aching chest?

Addict

Have you looked in a mirror lately?
you've been addictive since
fresh fifteen
cool eyed and quiet mouthed
soaking my words in
as if you weren't
flesh and bone
but a fog on the ocean
wrapping every thought
in chill grayness
even my ridiculous
strawberry milk words
don't scare your soul

Wow,
have you looked in the mirror lately?
you've been addictive since
this afternoon
skin on fire, eighty-five
degrees Fahrenheit,
gasping for air like
resurfacing from the depths
better not make that
risky analogy,

But have you really not
looked in the mirror lately?
you'll be addictive forever
if I keep getting around you
doing stuff
like holding hands at
ice rinks and brushing fingertips
on summer walks and
Tchaikovsky with my
eyes closed
better not make that
risky analogy,

They'll figure out how much
I want your heart
beyond the gazes which
dance across your mind and body
so magnetic,
so irresistible.

Tiring

Endless chatter-

useless chatter-

and why did you need this?

you don't even know how it works

you refuse to learn!

And why did you do that?

your voice is loud, disruptive, rude

people are staring,

just freaking stop it

be thankful I didn't say worse,

or screech for you

to shut up

like your adult brother does,

I question my ability

to live with other human beings--

I'll never get married, if men

are like this

stubborn and clingy, simultaneously

claiming they don't need silly, prissy women--

family

is never something to write of

because it is never

curious, or unusual

it is not

idealized visions

of the unknown.