The Rewrite Part 4

 Jan is, in fact, my own original character, drawn up today on the spot. The post was written from the POV of a different bandit before (I have given him the name Oda) but I changed it. I thought having a sympathetic but dirty POV would be interesting. I've become fiercer in my writing, but let it be known that the creator of this scene wished for "the bad guys to be bad, not half-good half-bad". This reminds me of the "half-good, half-bad, half-boy " line from that comedy sketch song. Anyway. 

Jan looked down at Patrick. Blood flowed out of the wound in his side, and his face had gone all gray and clammy. 

“Well, Pate’s dead,” he muttered to himself. He reached down to feel the man’s pulse. Nothing. 

Henny, their leader, tied the little girl up before she came to. By Jan’s estimate, she couldn’t have been more than thirteen or fourteen. Just a delicate flower, a spring bloom. He grinned to himself and riffled through Pate’s pockets for valuables before the others did. Nothing much, a few coins. 

Oda came scrambling over and started feeling up the filthy noble boy, looking for gold. 

Damn, Jan thought, I should’ve checked him first. 

Oda came up with a little pouch of coins, but Henny was quick to step in. 

“Gimme that,” he snapped, taking the pouch from Oda’s hands. Jan shook his head at Oda. He was always an idiot, worse than Pate. It would’ve been better if Oda had died instead. 

The noble boy was not dead. Jan could see his shallow breathing. But he didn’t say anything to Henny. He preferred to not get involved, ever, in Henny’s business. It was always better that way. 

Plus, Jan wasn’t the one who had “killed” the kid. Oda could take the hit if his lack of competence came back to bite him. Jan had no part in it. 

“Let’s move,” Henny barked. They all stood up and began the trek through the woods back “home”. Jan watched the young girl stir back awake, her eyes widening when she realized she was slung over Henny’s back, heading somewhere she didn’t know. Jan thought it was cute, charming really, how she started to cry without screaming. She was a smart little thing. 

They stopped by the creek to get a drink of water and wash the blood off their hands. Henny threw the little girl on the ground by a tree. She curled up in a ball and didn’t say anything. 

Oda was gazing in her direction with that dumb look on his face when he decided to open his good-for-nothing mouth. 

“Ey, sir,” they all called Henny ‘sir’, “that little one’s so quiet. Whatdya say we have some fun with her before we get back? Make her scr-” 

“Oh shaddup, Oda. If I see you lay a finger on her, I’ll behead you.” Henny snapped. Oda shrunk back, but kept casting lustful gazes in the direction of the girl. Jan shook his head again. Obviously, if anything were to happen to the girl, Henny would be the one in charge. He was unlikely to share his plunder with anyone. It was like Oda didn’t learn anything. 

They stood up. Henny claimed the girl was heavy, so he made Jan carry her. Jan knew that this was Henny’s way of testing Jan, to see if he was trustworthy. Jan flung her over his shoulder and kept his hands to himself the whole way back. He didn’t want to lose a hand just for being a pig. 

When they arrived at the encampment, Jan greeted Riley, his friend, and shared the news that Pate was a goner. Word travelled fast in their large band of thieves, totaling more than forty men and one...well, one witch. 

They took the captive to the cell, a stone box with a heavy wooden door. Jan let her slide to the ground and Henny cut her ropes. She struggled then, her little white face turning red as she thrashed around on the ground. Jan held her legs down before she could kick Henny, and then Henny picked her up and tossed her in in one swift motion, laughing as he shut the door with a whump.