Don't cry for me.
She looks up, the tears running down her cheeks. No one is there, and the sounds of people in the streets continue. A shout, a call, and an animal's cry, all come through the open window and grace her ears with the knowledge that the whole world is moving on without her. No one knows her pain in full.
Don't cry for me.
The golden sunlight creeps over the floorboards, bathing the room in the light of an otherwise perfect day. But her heart is torn.
One last attempt to keep herself. One last attempt to rebuild those walls around herself. One last attempt to find kindness through her own. And it's thrown away.
"Why?" She chokes out, before burying her face in her hands again. She's young now. She doesn't realize what else is in store for her; how much this time will strengthen her in the future.
That's what the older girl thinks, as stoop to peep through the crack in the attic door. Part of her feels for the younger. There is something in her tears that she relates to, something she can understand fully.
Yet the younger girl was so foolish. How could she stretch out her hand to someone who was bound to swat it away?
The older brushes her black hair behind an ear as she stands up. Knowing that comforting the other won't help, she makes her way down the stairs.
"Is she coming?" He asks.
"No. She's not."
The younger opens her eyes to find she had fallen asleep. Darkness had settled. She turned to the window to close the shutters, and as she looks up she beholds the sky. Stars, billions of them, all blinking and winking down at her.
I'll never let this happen again.
Is the quiet thought that enters her mind. She's surprised by her own boldness. Never?
Never. Never again.
~A.K.~
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Circular saws, Nerf and Happy Birthday Bro!
So! Today and yesterday have been...a big deal, to say the least. My bro, The Confederate, wanted to have Cyll and Nate over for his fourteenth birthday, so that's what we did!
Yesterday we went to pick Nate up at 11:00AM. Coming home around twelve, I started on dishes while they headed to Lowes to get stuff for my mom's raised bed gardens out back (summer project). Afterwards, I went out back to help her cut the boards and nail/screw together said planks to form some less than perfect boxes. Okay, so I have this fear of circular saws.
There's a reason for this. One, I don't like electric blades of any sort. The malfunctions that can happen with elecricity are too numerous. Two, one of my favorite cartoon voice actors, Aaron Dismuke, ran a circular saw about an inch up his hand; in the part between the first finger and thumb. He was making a shelf in his grandmother's basement and it kicked back. That is, believe it or not, one of the CREEPIEST things on earth to me. XD
Anyway, we had to use a circular saw on the 2x4's and it definitely freaked me out enough when it kicked to make me incredibly energized by the time Cyll got there. Afterwards was craziness of Nerf, then FINALLY lunch (@ 3PM!). Afterwards I practiced piano, went back outside and played soccer (which gave me a nice scratch and several bruises) and then made...four? five? six? pizzas, all monster size. Mom handled about half the toppings, while I made dough, rolled out several of them, and topped about two. You would think *that* would be a good experience...Oh, no. Then we went up to the church to play Nerf zombie's...
In.
The.
Dark.
It.
Was.
Epic.
Especially when we all tackled Avery in the front window while these four guys with dogs looked on...I think they thought we were crazy...but we're teenagers. What else can we say?
At about 9:15PM we headed home for showers...and mom had some brush to burn in the backyard. Gradually, all of us but sleeping Daddy made our way outside to watch the bonfire. And, since our locks are weird, we managed to get ourselves locked out. Not a window unlocked. Not a door open. No key hidden anywhere. Darkness setting in. Fire burning low. >.< Needless to say, my imagination went a little wild. Though, my admiration for a few people's skills in organization and leadership in such a situation was increased.
By the end, we just tapped on Daddy's second-story window with a long pole until he woke up and opened the door. He was VERY grouchy. XD So finally we made it inside. I took a shower, then got my comp for a little down-time. Then I knocked out to sleep.
This morning I woke up at about 10. Coming down stairs, I sat down in the den and listened to my mom read her Bible out loud. Then Cyll came in and we sat down for a long discussion between all of us...on some very fascinating topics, lol. Afterwards, Mom, Lilly, Simon and myself all went in the playroom to watch Tangled. The boys meandered in and out, taking turns in their multiplayer game (I live in a house of gamers, all save my dad, and all my guy-friends are gamers. Help me someone. :P-Defeated cry of a girl trying to survive with gamers).
Then I went upstairs again to my comp, once more seeking solitude (I'm a quiet sort of person). After that, I talked to Mom for a while and then watched a bit of a game of Risk. Mostly it was just Cyll and I fooling around. >.< We do that sort of thing rather often. :P
Generally, I never want to forget these two days. They were crazy, yes...but really, really fun. :)
Now...the house feels very quiet! :( Oh, well. I'll try to get some writing done now and then practice piano. Plus, I got some schoolwork to do! XD
~A.K.
Yesterday we went to pick Nate up at 11:00AM. Coming home around twelve, I started on dishes while they headed to Lowes to get stuff for my mom's raised bed gardens out back (summer project). Afterwards, I went out back to help her cut the boards and nail/screw together said planks to form some less than perfect boxes. Okay, so I have this fear of circular saws.
 |
| A circular saw from Black and Decker. Idk where ours is from. |
There's a reason for this. One, I don't like electric blades of any sort. The malfunctions that can happen with elecricity are too numerous. Two, one of my favorite cartoon voice actors, Aaron Dismuke, ran a circular saw about an inch up his hand; in the part between the first finger and thumb. He was making a shelf in his grandmother's basement and it kicked back. That is, believe it or not, one of the CREEPIEST things on earth to me. XD
Anyway, we had to use a circular saw on the 2x4's and it definitely freaked me out enough when it kicked to make me incredibly energized by the time Cyll got there. Afterwards was craziness of Nerf, then FINALLY lunch (@ 3PM!). Afterwards I practiced piano, went back outside and played soccer (which gave me a nice scratch and several bruises) and then made...four? five? six? pizzas, all monster size. Mom handled about half the toppings, while I made dough, rolled out several of them, and topped about two. You would think *that* would be a good experience...Oh, no. Then we went up to the church to play Nerf zombie's...
In.
The.
Dark.
It.
Was.
Epic.
Especially when we all tackled Avery in the front window while these four guys with dogs looked on...I think they thought we were crazy...but we're teenagers. What else can we say?
At about 9:15PM we headed home for showers...and mom had some brush to burn in the backyard. Gradually, all of us but sleeping Daddy made our way outside to watch the bonfire. And, since our locks are weird, we managed to get ourselves locked out. Not a window unlocked. Not a door open. No key hidden anywhere. Darkness setting in. Fire burning low. >.< Needless to say, my imagination went a little wild. Though, my admiration for a few people's skills in organization and leadership in such a situation was increased.
By the end, we just tapped on Daddy's second-story window with a long pole until he woke up and opened the door. He was VERY grouchy. XD So finally we made it inside. I took a shower, then got my comp for a little down-time. Then I knocked out to sleep.
This morning I woke up at about 10. Coming down stairs, I sat down in the den and listened to my mom read her Bible out loud. Then Cyll came in and we sat down for a long discussion between all of us...on some very fascinating topics, lol. Afterwards, Mom, Lilly, Simon and myself all went in the playroom to watch Tangled. The boys meandered in and out, taking turns in their multiplayer game (I live in a house of gamers, all save my dad, and all my guy-friends are gamers. Help me someone. :P-Defeated cry of a girl trying to survive with gamers).
Then I went upstairs again to my comp, once more seeking solitude (I'm a quiet sort of person). After that, I talked to Mom for a while and then watched a bit of a game of Risk. Mostly it was just Cyll and I fooling around. >.< We do that sort of thing rather often. :P
Generally, I never want to forget these two days. They were crazy, yes...but really, really fun. :)
Now...the house feels very quiet! :( Oh, well. I'll try to get some writing done now and then practice piano. Plus, I got some schoolwork to do! XD
~A.K.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Saturday!
So I'm listening to music and writing in my Sigma 6 fanfiction story. I'm actually half-way through...still have a ways because of the ever-increasing plot, but overall I think I'll be done within two months. :D But anyway, today was THE BEST Saturday! I got laundry done for me, my sister and my bros, cleaned my room, made pizza for supper, tied up a gazillion loose ends, called my big brother on the phone and found my colored pencil box. Ooooh, I'm so happy!
Now my bros are watching Spiderman, lol. I love the animated Spiderman. Its so cute. =3
Generally, my week was incredibly interesting. I mostly sat around until yesterday, which ended up to be the most emotionally trying day of the week. Basically, I had to meet up with some family that I'm not on good terms with and ended up getting almost manipulated into committing to some stuff I didn't want to commit to. But at the end of the day things turned out okay. :)
EDIT:Posting this on Sunday because Saturday I got busy. XD Today was also good, albeit a bit detached on my part. XD So, yes. Maybe I'll have somehting more interesting to say later this week! lol
~A.K.~
Now my bros are watching Spiderman, lol. I love the animated Spiderman. Its so cute. =3
Generally, my week was incredibly interesting. I mostly sat around until yesterday, which ended up to be the most emotionally trying day of the week. Basically, I had to meet up with some family that I'm not on good terms with and ended up getting almost manipulated into committing to some stuff I didn't want to commit to. But at the end of the day things turned out okay. :)
EDIT:Posting this on Sunday because Saturday I got busy. XD Today was also good, albeit a bit detached on my part. XD So, yes. Maybe I'll have somehting more interesting to say later this week! lol
~A.K.~
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Sunburnt!
Yet oh so happy! Today was amazing! We all went down to a friend's farm to help them with their goats...they have four almost new babies; Clara (white), Heidi (white), Charlotte (black) and Ryan (brown). I'm sorry...but baby miniature goats are just. too. cute. Especially Ryan...I wanted to hold him forever and give him lots of kisses. He already has these little, itty bitty horns coming up, but you cant see them through his fur. He has little black 'boots' and a black stripe down his back and SO adorable. =3
After helping with the goats we went down and explored the creek...then back up to the miniature horse-pin (everything they have is so little and cute, hahaha), and back away again to the pond. There we waded in our boots for a while before deciding it looked much to inviting on such a hot day and went wading barefoot in the sandy parts. XD It was so fun to sit with our feet dangling off the dock, toes skimming the cold water, watching the little kids splash around. Sadly, I got sunburnt, but overall we had a wonderful time. (Welsh people burn very easily, you know!)
After that I headed to piano lessons. My teacher drove me home because it was beginning to rain and the wind was blowing SUPER strongly. For a moment, I stood on the front porch and thought-Oh, wow! This sure is beautiful!
The wind was blowing my bangs in my eyes, my hood all around my face. The rain was softly beating against my bare legs while I clutched the necklace about my neck. So cool!
Now I'm all cosy at my computer, listening to wind, rain and the normal noises around my house, talking with one of my best friends about many things...some deep, important issues, and others light and rather simple to figure out.
And, to spite all the pros and cons, I can't help but think how greatly blessed I am. Makes me happy. :)
~A.K.~
After helping with the goats we went down and explored the creek...then back up to the miniature horse-pin (everything they have is so little and cute, hahaha), and back away again to the pond. There we waded in our boots for a while before deciding it looked much to inviting on such a hot day and went wading barefoot in the sandy parts. XD It was so fun to sit with our feet dangling off the dock, toes skimming the cold water, watching the little kids splash around. Sadly, I got sunburnt, but overall we had a wonderful time. (Welsh people burn very easily, you know!)
After that I headed to piano lessons. My teacher drove me home because it was beginning to rain and the wind was blowing SUPER strongly. For a moment, I stood on the front porch and thought-Oh, wow! This sure is beautiful!
The wind was blowing my bangs in my eyes, my hood all around my face. The rain was softly beating against my bare legs while I clutched the necklace about my neck. So cool!
Now I'm all cosy at my computer, listening to wind, rain and the normal noises around my house, talking with one of my best friends about many things...some deep, important issues, and others light and rather simple to figure out.
And, to spite all the pros and cons, I can't help but think how greatly blessed I am. Makes me happy. :)
~A.K.~
Sunday, April 3, 2011
What to do, what to do!!!
Alas, when the romantic plot turns sketchy and that bratty little girl is causing someone to think they aren't really in love!
Hahahah, sorry. I'm watching Kimi ni Todoke (pronounced keemee nee toe-doe-kay), which is a romance anime that is one of the best! The characters are endearing, the show is easy to watch...yes, it's pretty cliche, but sometimes I think relaxing plot that you can easily interpret is good for the brain!
So far I'm only on episode...eleven? But I hope that by the end of the second season I can give Kimi ni Todoke the same praises I am now!
One thing that life teaches us, and this anime really pushes, is how assumptions ruin things. I'm saying this from a first-person, hard, cold truth perspective-They really do. There's so much that is blackened, blotted, by our assumptions. I know that MY sinful mind just seems to be attracted to interpreting everything to be much more serious and wrong than it is!
My hope is that someday, through Christ, I can stop being so easily swayed to think bad of others or ASSUME that they think a certain way, feel a certain way. It's horrible, isn't it? Sometimes it just makes me want to go hide; how people can constantly forget to ask exactly what's going on! I know would rather have the truth with a bit of.. 'Um, that was an odd question!' rather than the lies with no confirmation. Sadly, so often my best intentions aren't the intentions that I go with! I forget to keep my sight on Him and...Poof! There it goes! Everything! lol So, so true how much we really need God...everything is a wreck without Him.
Also, I've found that lately I can't think clearly. I keep over-thinking and under-thinking...a big foggy cloud resides in my brain and none of the drivers can see the road, blah. :P But yet I'm super hyper!!! XD I guess that's just my oddity shining through. Right now, I'm hoping to start checking some Math papers...maybe I'll get a few good grades...>.> lol
Another note (or two! Or three!) before I go...I closed my Facebook account! No, it's not anything anyone said! I just want to be able to devote more time to my studies...am I starting to sound too good? Well, I'm really not too happy about closing it, so lol. I'm not an angel. XD Mostly, I just am realizing that my mom and dad are really determined about my education, and my fear of letting them down is greater than my fear of not socializing properly.
Two-I changed blog colors and name. I really can't remember quite well where I got my 'In Sunlight Golden' thing...probably from some memories of spring somewhere. Doesn't it seem like those beautiful moments always happen when the weather is just right? hahaha, I'm digressing again!
Three-I changed my playlist and I made pocky the other day! XD Boy, pocky is HARD. though, I don't think I'm gonna give up on it too soon! It seems like it will get more fun. As to my playlist, my favorite songs so far are Stolen (ask about the story behind it. I'll tell.), What If (because it's so darn HEARTBREAKING! XD), and Kimi ni Todoke...because, of course, it makes me think of the anime. =3
~A.K.~
Hahahah, sorry. I'm watching Kimi ni Todoke (pronounced keemee nee toe-doe-kay), which is a romance anime that is one of the best! The characters are endearing, the show is easy to watch...yes, it's pretty cliche, but sometimes I think relaxing plot that you can easily interpret is good for the brain!
So far I'm only on episode...eleven? But I hope that by the end of the second season I can give Kimi ni Todoke the same praises I am now!
One thing that life teaches us, and this anime really pushes, is how assumptions ruin things. I'm saying this from a first-person, hard, cold truth perspective-They really do. There's so much that is blackened, blotted, by our assumptions. I know that MY sinful mind just seems to be attracted to interpreting everything to be much more serious and wrong than it is!
My hope is that someday, through Christ, I can stop being so easily swayed to think bad of others or ASSUME that they think a certain way, feel a certain way. It's horrible, isn't it? Sometimes it just makes me want to go hide; how people can constantly forget to ask exactly what's going on! I know would rather have the truth with a bit of.. 'Um, that was an odd question!' rather than the lies with no confirmation. Sadly, so often my best intentions aren't the intentions that I go with! I forget to keep my sight on Him and...Poof! There it goes! Everything! lol So, so true how much we really need God...everything is a wreck without Him.
Also, I've found that lately I can't think clearly. I keep over-thinking and under-thinking...a big foggy cloud resides in my brain and none of the drivers can see the road, blah. :P But yet I'm super hyper!!! XD I guess that's just my oddity shining through. Right now, I'm hoping to start checking some Math papers...maybe I'll get a few good grades...>.> lol
Another note (or two! Or three!) before I go...I closed my Facebook account! No, it's not anything anyone said! I just want to be able to devote more time to my studies...am I starting to sound too good? Well, I'm really not too happy about closing it, so lol. I'm not an angel. XD Mostly, I just am realizing that my mom and dad are really determined about my education, and my fear of letting them down is greater than my fear of not socializing properly.
Two-I changed blog colors and name. I really can't remember quite well where I got my 'In Sunlight Golden' thing...probably from some memories of spring somewhere. Doesn't it seem like those beautiful moments always happen when the weather is just right? hahaha, I'm digressing again!
Three-I changed my playlist and I made pocky the other day! XD Boy, pocky is HARD. though, I don't think I'm gonna give up on it too soon! It seems like it will get more fun. As to my playlist, my favorite songs so far are Stolen (ask about the story behind it. I'll tell.), What If (because it's so darn HEARTBREAKING! XD), and Kimi ni Todoke...because, of course, it makes me think of the anime. =3
~A.K.~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)