I'm Dreaming Tonight...

I do begin to wonder quietly to myself right now...
I try not to mention it aloud
But it's bothering me so, without a doubt
I'm left here asking questions in the back of my mind

Nothing can even explain this feeling
Words cannot measure up
I don't even know what it is
I don't quite know what I'm dealing with

I'm seeing those hazy images in my mind
Made alive as soon as I closed my eyes
The words that were said, I hear them
I keep convincing myself otherwise...

The sun rising early, the palest glow
The dreams I was sharing so carelessly
Glorious colors are fading to gray now
Places in the back of my mind, and lastly

Streetlights, softly warm and bright
I've always loved them more than anything
I would go out just to see them tonight
Just to dream about tomorrow


-Argentia

Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you


This song is just beautiful. Beautiful, but sad. Why is it sad? Because though 'I can try to fix you', the 'I' here will never succeed. He will never 'fix' the broken individual he is singing to. Only God can do that. Only He can come and take someone's stone cold heart and make it into a heart of flesh. Only He can turn that person to Him and make them a new man. Only He can 'fix' a broken person.
 I like to take this song and sometimes when I'm feeling down, I change the lyrics to 'And I will fix you'; because that is exactly what He will do. Rather than thinking of it in a sense of relying on another sinful man to guide me out of the dark tunnel, and to make me into a whole person, I rely upon God to do this.

 The first two lines of this song also remind me of people. Not just a particular individual or individuals, but just people. They're all like this-we've all gotten what we wanted but not what we needed at some point or another, and we've all lost something (or someone) that we can't replace.
 

 Just a lot of stuff to think on...

 -Argentia

Christmas Day!

Well, my Christmas Day went much like my Christmas Eve-church in the morning with an excellent sermon, then time spent with friends giving the few gifts that didn't get delivered the day before, then off to my grandparent's house.
 There, we had an absolutely fantastic dinner and a lovely evening spent lazing around after opening gifts.
 I had really...odd dreams that night. >.<
 Then, I spent all of Monday either reading or writing on my computer (no internet access...ugh...)
 I came home to find some not-so-nice stuff had erupted for a friend-without mentioning names, I ask that you keep the whole family in prayer that they would be safe.
 So I talked to her for a long, long time. Before crashing into bed, I wrote in my journal for a long while, but, my writing was not Christmas-related, actually. I have the nasty habit of never writing about what actually has happened, or what is relevant, or what is really something anyone else would probably be mentioning.
 This morning I woke up totally thankful...for a lot of things. xD
 I read my Bible first. Nearly all of the last three chapters of Job. Then I delved into my last entry to see *exactly* what I had written whilst sleep-deprived and somewhat confusilated.
 Sometimes, I wonder if I even have all of my brain cells...or something. >.>

Aaaaat any rate, I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas, and that the festivities will continue till Epiphany. We try to celebrate the 12 days of Christmas, but...I'm not sure if that will happen this year or not. xD

-Argent

Christmas Eve...

Hello, everyone!!! I am just taking a break from all of the festivities to post here and say that today was AWESOME! :) I had a lovely time at my church with all of my dear friends, some old, some new, all loved very, very much, and have now opened all of my gifts and stared at all of them for forever and felt oh-so-special. ^///^
 I am, right now, taking sips of caramel hot chocolate with whipped cream on top out of a mug I received, while reading a book I received, while using the wireless mouse my mother gave me!!!!  You people are crazy with giving gifts!!! O.o :P No, seriously, thanks EVERYONE. Everything you give me is much appreciated, even if it's just a smile when I'm down or a smack when I'm being stupid, or a hug when we're both either sad or happy. :) I love you people. (and, no, Hannah...those socks aren't keeping me warm quite yet, but they definitely will be eventually...when I get up the courage to take them out of the back, the irresistibly cute things!)

 I hope everyone is having a good Christmas Eve (or Christmas morning...depends upon where you are, folks!) and I hope you remember what a gift God gave when He sent His Son to earth, born in a lowly manger, to live the life of a man and finally die upon the cross to save us from our sins. I hope you remember what a sacrifice that truly was, for the great God of all creation, the King of kings and Lord of lords, to come and live amongst us, and die for us. Please, remember to keep thanking Him for this wonderful gift!!! People so often say-yes, I realize Jesus is the reason for the season. But do they really, really, really believe this? Sometimes, I have to keep myself in check when I zone out during church or don't stop to thank Him for His many blessings.

 Just a quick update to let you know I am having a GREAT Christmas and I hope you are, too, whoever and wherever you are!!! :)


-Argentia 

P.S. Disappearing as I head down to grandparent's house tomorrow for Christmas Day...and probably spending the night. ^.^

Characters Whom I Love...

You're great. When I get lonely, I open up either Lineage, or my NaNo, and there you are. Waiting for me. I can read over you, or write a little more, and then sometimes find some poor, hopeless individual to ramble on and on about you guys to.
 My characters in my NaNo are terribly special to me. They went through November with me- took rants, one night when I practically beat the keyboard to oblivion in frustration, and the awful tendency of mine to make the typo of writing heard as heart.
 They're actually probably not my best. My favorite characters to write are males, but I have the creeping, sneaking, awful feeling that I am terrible at it in the same way that some people think they can sing but are totally tone-deaf. >.<
 Valentijn is just so quiet, and Riagan isn't. I have to switch between the two and wow, is it difficult, but worth it. I'm learning more and more about who Riagan really is, and it's amazing and exciting at the same time!
 I don't know if I'll ever finish writing the novel I've cooked up here, but if I do, it's going to be a lot of fun.

 So, today has been a day for dark poems and writing; in other words, it was sorta rough. I pulled up the NaNo and though still rather typo and error ridden, with many a redundant moment and some things that just don't make sense, I have this appreciation for the writing that went on during that time. It was a great month, great happiness, a few hardships, lack of sleep, mood-swings, and all. I feel so overwhelmed by that November that I can barely describe it all!
 Since it's getting late, I probably need to go. But I had to ramble just a little about November even though December is nearly over. December has been...interesting. Quiet, but interesting. I haven't disliked it, I just can't understand it. :P

 -Argentia Krystofel

Cold

Take a deep breath of the icy cold air, then watch it fog as you exhale. Your confused thoughts begin to settle as you stare up at the night sky; stars dimmed by the bright city lights, yet you know they are there. Peer up at the sky and try hard to see one peeking out from the immense blackness.
 The city has not yet quieted, even at this hour of the night, and you wish your coat were just a little warmer. You shove your gloved hands tighter into your pockets, but it does no good, they're already as warm as they're going to get.
 You're as warm as you're going to get.
 Yet your heart is still so cold.

 You take steps forward, trying to rid the thoughts that come charging into your mind, but it does no good.

 Your heart is cold.
 Cold as the freezing night.
 And you can't decide if you like it that way, or not.


-Argentia

Short Story (Character Study)

Been terribly obsessed with writing these little short stories lately to study different character types. I've already got one half-written about the mysterious character K. He's really not all that mysterious, lol. 

 The male character's hobby is cars. Fast cars. Driving fast cars fast. >.<

 It's so choppy, but he's a choppy sort-of guy, so... :P

 The female character was used as a 'medium' so to speak. She's just there for her opinions on the personality of the driver is the real focus here. 

She grabbed the seat tightly. As expected, he drove fast. She kept glancing quickly at the speedometer and then at the cars around, making sure he wasn't about to hit someone. Taking a few deep breaths, she tried to pay attention to his incessant chatter.

“He's probably at his studio. I'd say he's in the middle of something, though I can't say what that might be, and he probably doesn't want to talk. Also, he might not want me to tell you this, so don't mention it, but he's on a lower than usual dosage of his anxiolytic, so he might be more hyper and a tad irritable, though there's normally no noticeable outward change in him.”

She went through that answer a couple of times, wondering if this fast-paced, intense risk taker even noticed enough of the deep-thinking, reclusive interior designer to know what his mood really was.

They veered to the right suddenly, him biting his lip, yet grinning as he maneuvered traffic.

“As I was saying, stupid drivers, there's probably some reason he's not been answering his phone for the past two days. If he got dumped by his girlfriend I'll be really surprised, though it might be possible...you sure you wanna stop by?”

She took a deep breath, “Well, if I don't die getting there.... How do you feel about it?”

“Me? I don't care what mood he's in. He's himself.” He flashed her a smile, and she returned it weakly, deciding that staring at her hands was the only way to keep from telling him how he was supposed to drive a car, and she knew that wasn't something he would take lightly.

His ringed fingers caught the light, glittering as the gripped the steering wheel tightly.

“You should really try getting to know people here in LA,” he announced, “other than us. We're K's friends, and as you noticed, he's pretty weird. It takes one to know one, sooooo...” He shrugged, “you might be dealing with a few that should be admitted,” He paused, “I can get out of hand sometimes, too, you know.” He winked, his dark eyes sparkling with mischief.

She shrugged, giving him an incredulous glance.

“I doubt you can be troublesome enough that you'll bother me. Besides, I've only been here for a week and I'm not going to university here, so it's a little hard to make any acquaintances anywhere other than K's studio and my part time job at the restaurant down the street. Since K only has two other employees, that leaves me a little lost there, and at my job, well, there's only a few people who don't act super-snobby with me, so...”

“Have you thought about going to a few parties? Surely you've been invited to some.”

“Not a party person...”

“Blind dates are easy ways to meet people, too...”

She shot him a doubtful look. He grinned, lifting his fingers on the wheel as he shrugged, rings glaring in the sunlight, “I told you I was hard to handle, don't look at me like that.”

At that she couldn't help but let a chuckle escape her lips.

 And that's all! I'm starting to wish my one story character, Riagan, was just a tad more like this guy. He's very easy to write with his impulsive nature, wherein Riagan is not. Riagan's impulsiveness just hasn't worked.

 Oh, well, I guess it's not too late to work with the character and make peace with him. We've been at war since about November 5th, hahahaha.

Fighting with fictional characters,

 -Argentia

Last year today...

Crystal clear skies
And pale, hollow sunlight



It's December 12th...I'm sitting in front of my computer with a cup of chai tea, sipping it lazily, watching a good show that finally has English subtitles.
I'm doing nothing in particular as I dream of the snow that I wish would fall before Christmas. It rarely ever does; I only remember one truly white Christmas in this town.
I'm wasting time by being envious of people elsewhere who have had it snow already. Our seasons are somewhat more unpredictable.
 It was around this time a year ago that some friends came to our house to make truffles; my mom's special Christmas treats that she somehow manages to get talked into doing at least once a year. Normally, it's a result of me, being the chocoholic that I am. But on this particular day, I wasn't looking forward to it at all. I was quite distraught, with all of my shyness, as to what exactly I was going to talk about with these people.
 I guess it's the way the sunlight streams into our kitchen this afternoon that makes me think of it. I remember everything so clearly, even though it was a year ago! It was a really interesting day.
 I can't say the same for today. Though I feel like it's a day where I should be up, going places, doing things, I feel like staying right here and not doing anything. I finished the episode. Now I've gone on to writing a post and editing a novel.
 I haven't touched the novel I wrote last year. I probably need to.
 I was watching D.Gray-man this time last year. I sort-of want to go watch D.Gray-man again, just because I can. XD Right now, I'm watching a lot of K-dramas, though, and hoping to finish Durarara!! at some point.
 I'm surprised that last year I was so oblivious to what was going on around me, and that this year things are so much different. ^.^;
 I'll probably go do laundry later and clean my room...which has returned to it's passtime of looking like a dump. >.>
 
 *sigh* It's an apathetic Monday.

 -Argentia

"We also cry..."

"We also cry once in a while, and there are also people that think that our tears and feelings are all lies, but at these times I can really tell if these tears are real or fake."

-Argentia

7 Months Ago

I still watch the same films
And I still read books of the same genres
I still have the same whims
And a strange fascination with commas

But my thoughts are somewhere beyond
It's farther than you would have imagined
But close to me as if joined by a great bond
A world that you would never have fathomed

You're probably thinking all of these things
That don't apply to me right now
But I am thinking about you, though sadness it brings
And I am simply wondering exactly how

You perceive me now; I guess I shouldn't worry
Insignificant, after all, I speak no more
Neither do I hear, see, or care, so you won't feel sorry
But they don't hear me, either, I know for sure

My voice is a quiet whisper among the masses
Do you think we could be friends now?
Now that I don't gaze through tinted glasses
Now that I see the whole picture in front

I've been thinking of you a lot today
And yesterday, and the day before that, it's always here
The thoughts of you and your funny way
Of making me feel frustrated yet happy whenever you were near

For a while there, I wanted you to know
The pain in someone else's eyes
Drove me to changing into this, just to show
Those silent moments I asked "who cries?"

The summer days were warm and humid
It rained nearly all the time, as if the sky knew
The way that we had all been somehow wounded
By the days that had worn us through

But by now, I'm doing okay, actually, better
I might have changed just a little
As I sit here, I compose a short, simple letter
And you can see into my world now.

The time since the last picture of you and I
Has been nearly filled, yet I worry
And I still miss you a little, and I ask why
You came into my life and left just as quickly?

I don't want to be left without words.


-Argentia

Then I thought about it...

"...I’ve been nervous and worried under the pressure that I had to please people.”

 It happens to be the first day in a while that I can connect my thoughts enough to really *understand* what sentences and situations actually mean to me, rather than just sort-of nodding my head and going on, so please expect more writing. >.< I've got about fifteen drafts of blog posts that I haven't published yet haven't deleted, and I'm not sure why, but maybe they will eventually see the light of day. I still feel a bit confused when I try to sit down and write, and focusing is hard, but, I'm doing much better compared to last Wednesday. What's better, I can breathe! XD
 The above sentence in italics inspired the thoughts that follow.

..............................

 Although I am tempted to expect a person who is older than me to immediately be able to take care of themselves and to understand what their intentions, motivations, aspirations and emotions are, I'm slowly starting to realize that sometimes, adults don't always realize what they want, either. It's not just a thing that we 'teenagers' 'young adults' or whatever, who are stuck in between, suffer from. Adults are also sometimes trying to figure out what they want and who they are. I'm not the type for philosophy, so I won't go on and on about searching for self worth or anything like that (I'm a Christian, so my self-worth and the point of my life is found in Christ-therefore, I don't even worry about those things), but there are times when a person is just confused about everything, including themselves.

....................................................



 I am inspired to write thoughts upon sentences deemed insignificant by most.
 To me, that one statement means so much, because for one thing, I relate to it so well.^.^

Something else I care to write, but I'm saving it for a few hours...I have lots to do. T.T


 -Argentia Krystofel

Quiet Stargazing

It's quiet, I feel distant
Deep inside, everything is so loud
But out here, in this instant
It's completely silent, 'cause no ones around

I'm completely alone, watching stars fall
My eyes trace them
Burning in the back of my mind after all
Even after they're gone

I suppose I can't fight it anymore, cause it's here
The site in front of me, the bright lights
The person I was before now is no where near
It's something completely different

Oh, the stars are shining in the dark, deep sky
Lit every night with the sun's last breaths
They shine bravely until morning is nigh
When the sun takes back what it gave

They're beautiful all the same,
God must have known I would like them
Just as when he gave you a name
He knew that I would whisper it in my prayers

So often there is the question of why
Or what exactly I did at what time
I question it all, and then defeated, sigh
It's not my place to do that

It seems somewhat strange, somewhat crazy
Like I'm half of something wonderful
And then half of the reality that is growing hazy
As I blink in the cold, dry, winter air

I wrap my arms tighter about myself
And I look upwards to the heavens
Searching for the silver pieces that show the King's wealth
Cascading thoughts surround me

Little first moment; when was it?
I actually have no idea
You could search forever, yes, never quit
I certainly have done that

And I still can't tell you when
I first saw a star in the sky
And I still can't tell you when
I imagined I'd be where I am

And I still can't tell you when
I first saw the night's darkness
And I still can't tell you when
I'll understand any of this



Writing helps me get stuff off of my mind. I'm amazed if this even makes any sense, considering how I can't really write or make sense of anything concerning letter right now....or words...
 They don't seem to form quite right. And even if they do (like they are right now), I spend a lot of time back-tracking to *just makes sure* I got ever last one in the right place.
 Because it's either really funny or a real pain when you start typing/writing like English is your second language.

 *crazy part of my brain* It is, it is!!! Japanese was your first language! You just don't know it!!!

 -Argent

 (Actually, the chances are higher that *German* would be my first language, since my Dad speaks fluent German, but...I'm pretty darn sure it isn't. It would never explain my grammatical issues, since German has similar grammar to English)

Poem, My Newest Endeavor, and NaNo

On funny note this picture reminds me of my times spent in Florida on vacation in January several years ago. It was fun, I can't say I miss it too much until I saw this picture. The only difference...I think this was taken in L.A. I wish my friends in Cali weren't total nut cases or I'd go over and visit sometime. XD

Place I cannot name

People I don't always know

I'm living here, you're living there

I'm part of a country, of a world of people

It's a feeling in a place of world renown.

Don't be so distant, vague or lukewarm

Do you feel dead inside?

Faces en mass, always grim

Never will I find the courage here

The here-and-now of this world

I'm part of a place, a group I mustn't leave

It's the depth of my soul that's calling out

Don't be so lost, so dark, so hopeless

Do you feel dead inside?

Does the scorn hurt or blind or make you reconsider?

Does it make you wish you were here?

It's...a strange poem. I was mostly rather confused at the moment when I wrote it.

My newest endeavor-To get well. I've got a sinus infection, and I'm warning you-You don't ever want one. >.< Ahem, actually, I have three newest endeavors.

 The first is to get over my sinus infection.

 The second is to actually start learning how to write/read Japanese. Since I've got books for it, I might as well start. But I want to do it with...dedication. With a schedule. 

 The third is to become more daring. More willing to do whatever I must to do whatever I want to do. I can't do things when I'm scared to death to take risks and make mistakes. Maybe I can be afraid, but I need to be willing to take risks, to spite my fear.

 As to Nano-Yeah, I didn't make it this year. When you feel like your sinuses are going to explode and you're running a (low-grade) fever with chills, you won't feel like cranking out 3000 words, either. Still, I feel sad about it because, honestly, I could have done it today. The antibiotics, the sinus rinse, the Nasonex and the lemonade (to drink, not to put in my nose. :P) have made this entire day WAY better than yesterday. With that in mind, I feel bad because NaNo didn't last a day longer. I feel bad that the last day of November, my favorite month, and a good friend's birthday, was spent shirking duties and running amuck trying to get stuff to make me better and to write notes to people I don't know. I don't really *regret* doing those things...I just wish the day had been at least...10 hours longer? :P

 At any rate, my novel is no where near complete, and I still have to write a lot of scenes, but for now I want to edit, because I know what I wrote in the latter part of this month is absolute crap so I need to fix it.

 Besides.

 My male characters talk too much and act like girls, so...ummm...I need to really do something about that.

 The good news is I started out well, I still think I started out well, and I know that with that I can edit and make this amazing! ^.^

Onward to make up for two days of missed History, Bible, Science, Math, and Grammar, and three missed days of Geography. I get the feeling I'll be doing school on Saturday...don't you?

-Argent

Valentijn Janson [Pictures]

The subject used is 'Saga' from 'Alice Nine', a Japanese VisualKei group. I do not recommend searching for him unless you feel you absolutely need to see pictures of a guy with insane makeup and hair who quite frankly I thought was a girl. >.>
 These are the only two pictures that appear at least somewhat manly. Keep in mind my character is a teen...so the young face works.

 And...
 Does anyone else think this man looks part Caucasian? At least a little?!

Sweet Sixteen

Cliche title. XD

 So, yesterday was my 16th birthday. I made my favorite cinnamon muffins for breakfast, and though made with oat flour they surprisingly didn't all fall apart.
 I received so many Facebook posts of Happy Birthday that I just had to smile practically the whole day! ^.^ I received three very sweet cards, and some great little gifts (including noise-reducing earbuds from my dad-ISTJ's and ISFJ's think a like, no? Kill those noises!). Mom has made me an amazing chocolate cheesecake that I'm going to get to enjoy in a little bit once she's done the ganache (yes, she's amazing like that), and tomorrow, Dad and I get to go up to Blacksburg to the Oasis food store and I'm going to pick up a load of Japanese, Korean, and Chinese stuff, along with maybe some European things (Oasis doesn't carry much European food...gotta go to Winston-Salem or Charlottesville for that). I'd say my birthday is going to last practically the whole weekend!
 So, aside from being very happy and very excited about Saturday, I don't feel any change. >.< Unlike last year, when I was thinking 'Oh, yes, I'm definitely fifteen now', this year I haven't thought anything like that. I guess compared to last year I feel different. Actually, yes, comparatively, I do feel much different. Leading me to believe being sixteen is a slow change.
 Still, it feels weird to say-I'm sixteen.
 Because, honestly, I watched all my other friends who were sixteen, and I thought they were really cool. So it makes me nervous to think that kids that are younger than me are watching me like I watched my sixteen-year-old friends.

 I'm going to be a horrible example, lol.

 -Argentia Krystofel

He Dreams Through the Noise...

I see you standing in the terminal
You're holding your arms that certain way
And you're looking about, confused,
And I can't seem to fight the feeling to look away


He's looking at me, head on, eyes so bright
I feel like this moment means absolutely nothing
But somehow, I don't care, because it's all in sight
Crazy with dreams, thoughts truly are something

The lights were bright and beautiful
The voices were something I will never forget
The faces were smiling and youthful
But there was a pair of eyes still filled with regret

Maybe it wasn't regret, more at maturity
So I'm left breathless,
He dreams through the noise, ah, so freely
And leaves me speechless

Who are you, a stranger in the back of my mind?
Dark curtains drawn by the passage of time
The words mean everything and nothing, because you're blind
Why am I still writing this, ponderings of mine?

Because it's just a small amount of time, say a year
That's all that's said to me,
All that I am expected to spend on this, dear
And I can't believe it, see

But then, there's reality, and people, and things
And there's the look on his face that strikes me
So I'm discontent with the evening and the starlight it brings
This strange discussion, this time isn't free.



Inspired by Vienna Teng's song 'Recessional'.

Lyrics-

It's so beautiful here, she says,
This moment now, this moment now.
And I never thought I would find her here,
Flannel and satin, my four walls transformed.

She's looking at me, straight to center,
No room at all for any other thought.
And I know I don't want this,
Oh, I swear I don't want this,
There's a reason I don't want this,
But I forgot.

In the terminal, she sleeps on my shoulder,
Hair falling forward, mouth all askew.
Fluorescent announcements beat their wings overhead:
Passengers missing, we're looking for you.

And she dreams through the noise, her weight against me,
Face pressed into the corduroy grooves.
Maybe it means nothing,
Maybe it means nothing,
Maybe it means nothing,
But I'm afraid to move.

And the words, they're everything and nothing.
I want to search for her in the offhand remarks:
Who are you, taking coffee no sugar?
Who are you, echoing street signs?
Who are you, the stranger in the shell of a lover,
Dark curtains drawn by the passage of time?
Oh words, like rain, how sweet the sound.

Well anyway, she says, I'll see you around



There is so much I associate this song with. So much. Somewhat, the song holds a dreamlike state with me; the lyrics almost seem to just bring images floating through my head.
 It's so amazing.

-Argent (Also, YAY for using poetry in my novel. XD)

MC #3

M(ain)C(haracter)#3 Because he's technically number 3 but number 2 isn't done yet so I'm...posting anyway.

Name: Kadri Hasenkamp

Age:16 

Hair color: Blonde/golden brownish, short.

Eye color: Soft, light brown.

Height: 5'7"-small build.

Definitely how he would be imagined in an anime perspective. Neither of these pictures are the right clothing, but oh, well.

 

Aaaaand, the closest I could find to the look I wanted Kadri to have. Taking away the coat and leaving just the scarf and the hair, earrings, et cetera, we have Kadri. I was searching for brunette hairstyles to use as a character picture for Valentijn and came upon this young man's picture...but he was more blonde/super light brown to me. >.<

Voice: Higher; still cracks on occasion. Smooth tenor voice when he sings. Can sing but doesn't like to in front of other people.

Certain points of Personality: loves people and is generally aware of other's feelings; desires to be helpful and understanding and wants the best of others...most of the time. Get's somewhat emotional, sharp, or moody when he's stressed out. He hates being alone, and can have very dark thoughts when he's left to himself for too long. Generally appears to be very friendly, outgoing, and supportive, but is very wary of trusting people with his inner thoughts and feelings. He behaves like a chameleon with others in conversation; picking up the topics they want to talk about and simply commenting on their opinions rather than expressing his own. Needs positive feedback from other people about his writing. Can't look at something from a logical or impersonal perspective without feeling just a little guilty.

 Can be somewhat manipulative but in a strange way; aka, he's very good at persuading someone into doing what he wants them to do, for their own good, or what he thinks is their own good. 

 He also will use his people skills to manipulate if he feels he needs something that in reality he either doesn't need, or should just ask for up front.

 Peculiarities: Constantly sweeping/blowing/flipping hair out of his eyes. Cooks really well. Has a fear of darkness; nyctophobia. Physically claustrophobic; doesn't like being in small spaces, or wearing tight, restricting clothing. Writes in his spare time. Doesn't like his room, house, or other people's being untidy or dirty.

 Goal: Kadri seeks only to find a place for himself in this world. Broken, with his childhood dreams destroyed, he tends to find himself doing work in the illegal trading of goods to dictator-ruled countries in the Southern Continent, or guiding persons through the countries. He has also had dealings with many a network of revolutionaries, secret police, and bootleggers. He claims allegiance to no country; he was born in Korreliso but has traveled as far west as the Saralinsey Ocean and as far East as the Tono-ari River.

 And that pretty much wraps up the guy I call the emotional one. *sigh* So dramatic...

 -Argent

-Flickering Electric Lights-

I whisper under my breath, minutes ticking by

The insanity burning behind those eyes

The voice in my ear and the way that people seem to try

To make everything make sense

It won't, but we want it to, so we're trying

We keep drifting from place to place

The time isn't on our side, it seems to be flying

But we haven't paid it any heed

There's some idiot singing Ke$ha on camera

I hate her songs but I'm listening

You're proposing some strange, new idea

I don't know about it but I nod

Yes, sure, whatever...it's always like this, isn't it?

I don't know what to say or do

People are always taking their time like this

Is it obvious that I don't want to hear?

An old song I used to listen to is playing in my head

Event's turn out badly before they happen

And I wonder if they'll just stay like that, but instead

You're saying things are going to change

Like always, I tend to debate truth and lie beyond what is healthy

The idiot stopped singing at last, but I press replay

There's an element of masochism in all of us, but this time it's not getting me

I can't let you get a hold of me, it's just not possible

There's a dragon blowing smoke in the back of my mind

An oriental icon, powerful and mysterious

And you don't care, which doesn't surprise me, people are blind

And I'm the one who's most deceived anyway

A smile's becoming more and more broken every time I see it

I can't think of what you say in this moment

Do you encourage, or do you let the pain run as it sees fit?

It's really just the two of us, gambling it away

So somewhat wasted, the time is over like it began

And I realize that I'm staring at a mess

A quiet thought enters my mind, but yet again

I swat it away before it becomes too much for me

Let me run away somewhere far off, 

and then there won't be any more problems.

MC #1

M(ain)C(haracter) #1

 Valentijn Janson

 Age 18
 Hair color: Brown, long.
 Eye color: Hazel (brown-green).
 Height 5'8"

 His hair is about this length and color. Maybe a bit more brown, but generally, just a normal color, and fine/thin like this, too. I still don't know what sort-of face to throw on the guy...*sigh* *nonchalant* we'll see. XD (And good grief this guy in the pic has a skinny neck...)

Voice: Not too deep, not too high. Just middle. Baritone singing voice. Speaks quietly but with an assertive tone.
Certain points of Personality: Does not beat around the bush-says what he needs to say. Likes to be told his work is well-done. Dislikes noise and overly chatty people. Is an avid reader. Intelligent and witty. Can be more laid-back with an occasionally appearing silly side; only around close friends. Does not trust people quickly. Not easily guilt-tripped; sticks to what he's said he'll stick to.
 Very much a rule-follower, quiet, yet generally friendly. Is not afraid to tell others his opinions. Is more shy about sharing his creative ideas/theoretical things. Dislikes fudging or long explanations of problems or issues. Not impressed by grandeur of any kind, unless it happens to be a whole room of books. Then maybe he'll be impressed.
 Peculiarties: Does not like large crowds. Is not fond of sweets. Fear of heights. Rarely a 'good judge of character', meaning he doesn't get 'vibes' about people at all...normally. When he does get one he's normally 99% correct about it, surprising many.
 Goal: This young Kashihan is on a journey; one that has so far stretched itself out into the perilous communistic country of Grenan. But what is he on the journey for? He's searching for his Kashihan bond, and apparently, he hasn't had his bond with him in many a year. 

 And that's Valentijn! ^.^

Distant

 Distant and very silent
 As people go walking by
 Distant and discontent
 But I'm starting to ask, why?

 Why be silent and why follow
 Every rule that's set up
 Why be distant, why swallow
 Your words that I know are there?

 I can nearly feel the cold air's nip
 And see the starry black sky
 I can touch your coat and feel it slip
 Through my fingertips, and by and by

 I'm starting to wonder again
 Why are people far away?
 I'm starting to ponder when
 Or how long you'll act this way


 So many poems today. Sort-of nice. I am in the mood that I can feel things in my hands...see things. Smell things. It's insane.
 I'm actually sort-of liking the thoughtful mood I've slipped into. In fact, I'm growing to love it more every moment. It's awesome.
 A lot of crazy stuff has happened this first week of November.
 A...friend? Acquaintance? I don't know what to call him yet. Well, through the course of many events I've found he's a Christian, and recently he had some hard things happen...and he's grown closer to Christ through it. Exactly what I was praying for. It's kind-of amazing. (No, I do not believe it would be an issue with him that I just wrote that. He's practically told the whole world! XD)
 Two people had birthdays...that was exciting, and also really awesome. I love celebrating people's birthdays, even if I barely know them!
 I wrote 10,000 words in a novel. A crappy, not-so-amazing novel, but a novel. And I promise, I won't abandon ship!
 I learned I need to pray before I make decisions. >.<
 I am slowly getting over the third cold/sickness I've had this year. Not counting the sickness at the beach...so I'm hoping this will be the last one this year. Haha
 I...wrote four poems. And took pictures on two walks. ^///^
 I walked to the store when it was dark. I feel like a grown-up now. :P Mom also promised she would show me how to use a credit card. Next steps-getting a job, a car, and a cellphone/trackphone. :P
 I thought-my birthday is only 11 days away! And I keep getting excited about it. 
 And...I thought of Ireland. And I thought...I might actually like to go there someday.

 Ahem.
 I also want to go anywhere that anyone will take me. Canada, Scandinavia, Central Europe, Italy, Portugal, Japan, South Korea, China, Taiwan, Singapore...just anywhere that I can get to cheap. ^.^;

 And, to confuse and baffle you, here is Matthew 17:20 in...guess what language?

가라사대 너희 믿음이 적은 연고니라 진실로 너희에게 이르노니 너희가 만일 믿음이 한 겨자씨만큼만 있으면 이 산을 명하여 여기서 저기로 옮기라 하여도 옮길 것이요 또 너희가 못할 것이 없으리라 Matthew 17:20

 And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.
  Matthew 17:20 NAS


Continue having a great Sunday! (That is, unless you mentally or physically dwell in some timezone where it is Monday. :P ) And please continue having a good November! It's an amazing month. ;)



-Argentia Krystofel

That Moment...

When you realize you can turn out more words in your novel when you start to do a self-rant than when you're actually writing about your characters.
 Ahem.
 Wasting my time writing things that I must delete from my wordcount is quite stupid, but I must admit I've practically done it all day. It's the 6th of November and I'm already rather frustrated. I have no idea what I plan on doing for the rest of the month, or if things get "harder" than they are right now, but oh, well. I'm hoping that maybe this is as hard as it will get.

 So....I have no idea what I'm supposed to write about in this post except...a poem. I've been writing too many poems lately.

 The sky is an open space of blue
 With little white clouds like snow drifts
 Dotting the sky; white ink splotches
 It's chilly; the scattered leaves the wind lifts

 Are flying up towards the sky
 The sky that I stare at with wonder
 I wish by dreams I could fly
 And that I could lift the leaf you are under

 I know that there are places I've never seen
 And I wish I could taste the air
 I wish I weren't standing here where I've been
 And instead I am standing there
 
 Right now, I want to be just a certain way
 But I know my place and it's here
 Maybe, I can see it in my dreams and someday
 That chance will be more near

 The leaves clatter on the nearly empty branches
 Like little hands giving an applause
 The sunlight, golden and bright, dances
 Upon everything and for a moment, I pause

 It's beautiful.

The Wind of November

 Blowing against my face gently
 The wind whispered around me

 I stared up at the gray, clouded sky
 And I saw all I ever wanted to see

 The world was quiet as I took a walk
 I kicked at the dry leaves cluttered on the road

 I felt like the whole world was huge,
 And I felt as if I were bearing a very heavy load

 The wind tossed the tiny dead leaves and flowers
 The gentle wind, but somehow I began to think

 Why the wind? Why the wind?
 Whether it's a gentle breeze, or a great typhoon

 It always manages to move something
 Doesn't it, and it will move that something soon

 Do you know where the wind that you love
 Do you know where it comes from?

 Why does it fill you with such breathlessness?
 Gray skies, bare trees, heading home

 I pulled my jacket closer, I took longer strides
 I took it in with wonder

 The air, cold, real, and yet numbing
 The wind of November

 The wind that I feel, that you've felt
 The wind that moves you

 The wind that fills you with emptyness
 The wind from Who?



 -Argentia

Rain

It's raining
 Raining here, raining there

It's pouring down the windowsill,
 The tiny droplets like kamikaze flights

You know it well, the rain
 Does it speak your heart sometimes?

It's raining
 Raining on your shoulders,

Shadows make their flight
 And fill your head with doubt as they go

It's raining
 The swishing sound of cars outside

Writing in the night
 As the rain patters on the roof; dark tears

It's raining
 Nearly, you can hear the loneliness

That's hidden in the rain
 That's evoked within us whenever it falls

The quietness we feel
 When the rain is pittering, pattering, even roaring

But I don't know the answer to this
 Or why the rain falls like it does

All I can say is the rain,
 In it's quiet, yet moving way

Seems to seek an answer.

This is only the beginning...

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
                                                                                                    Romans 8:28 (NAS)




   



-Argentia

In the Midnight Watches

 I'll be watching
 On a dark December night
 Till the sun does rise
 On this weary, old world,

 I'll be watching
 As time seems to slip
 Through my fingertips
 And the second hand ticks


 I'll be there
 In the coldest hour
 Though I don't know where
 To meet you, dear

 I will wait
 As the winter air around me
 And the stars and galaxies above me
 Declare His glory

 I'll be watching, yes,
 As the Ancient of Days
 Works in mysterious ways
 That I do not understand

 I'll be watching, yes,
 Even if I am afraid
 Even if you do not change
 Even if you cower and run away.

 I'll be praying, yes,
 In the midnight watches
 And the hours before dawn
 Not only for this but because

 He is so great and so mighty
 I know I have been blessed
 He is so loving and wonderful
 He is God, our Savior, and He will do what he deems is best.

Time

Time works in a strange way. It never stops; it gives no one a second chance. It almost seems to rule over all, though we must not forget Who rules over it. Some say time is evil, time is cruel, but is that really so?
 God uses time for His glory. Why is it we are in the right place, at that very right moment, to hear what we need to, or see what we must? Why is it that things never seem to happen when they shouldn't'; they always happen right when they should?
 Time may create barriers, but it also creates bonds. Just because of time doesn't mean that I don't feel attached to that last remnant of the past, and just because of time, it doesn't mean that I don't look expectantly towards the future, and the new people I may meet.
 The barriers of time may be healthy, in their own right. Separation from one, due to time, is not always a bad thing. And as time passes, that separation sometimes goes away.
 Yesterday, I was not free for this weekend. Now, you are not free, and I am, only due to the providential workings of our Lord. Perhaps it will work out and one day, we'll see behind it all, but for now, I am content to know that for some reason, each and every little thing happens.
 It seems like just yesterday when the rain tasted a little salty. Tears were being cried somewhere, and what hurt the most was knowing who was crying those tears, and knowing that there was no way to comfort their unfathomable pain. It happened when it happened...and I'm thankful that it happened then. It was just the right thing, given the right time, for each of us, tied to the other. I don't even know why yet, but slowly, like the bloom of a winter rose, the events unfold to reveal a beatiful, brilliant picture, that with the care of time, will not fade away.
  Everything we do swings upon the pendulum of time. The seasons, our days, and our moments. Our years, our lifespans...all is set in stone due to time.
 So I try not to loath time. As the season passes into winter, I hope that the people dearest to me, the people on my heart and mind, won't loath the time, either. With so many friends and family at these points in their life that are called 'milestones', I cannot help but dwell upon time. Time has treated everyone well; whether at the moment we each realize it, does not matter.
 Whether the numbers on the clock are changing, people are changing, and the environments they live in are changing, so that we cannot question the existence of it. Time isn't invisible; it shows in the slowly dying leaves, the nights coming on quicker and quicker, the temperatures dropping lower and lower. It shows in the eyes of my best friend, how changed and thoughtful they've become. It shows in the wrinkles on a face that smiled "too much" in youth. It shows in the children as they grow, slowly, but surely, into adults.
 Time is almost overwhelming to me right now, and yet somehow, a delightful thing. I take comfort in knowing I'm not stuck where I am, rather, I am always continuing forward. Always forward. Never back.
 I hope that we all respect the tool of time that God uses to mold us into what He wants us to be.

 -Argentia Krystofel

Riagan Breen

Definitely the right style. Haven't decided on the coloring yet. And I wish I could find a real model. I don't like envisioning everyone as anime characters! >.<

Kadri Hasenkamp

Masaomi-kun is proving to be a good visual inspiration. This is roughly what I want Kadri to look like. (one down, two to go)

Autumn

This will be extremely short, considering my hands are in a lot of pain and it's getting really late. I'm tired, I want to be up by 8, and...yeah.
 So, my planning for NaNoWriMo is going...sort-of okay, I guess? I've decided to switch some stuff around (but not Valentijn...I like him right where he is!)
 Ah. Yes. Guy #1 got a name. It's Valentijn (Val-ent-tiyen) or Valent, for short. Yes. It's a variant of Valentine, but I just needed a name that started with V. I don't know why. Likewise, Guy #2 needs a name that starts with R and Guy #3 needs a name that starts with K.
 I have no idea why I'm doing that, but ANYWAY!
 There was a point to this post and I'm trying to remember what it was. Oh, right. Fall is starting to feel very...present. It's not always *cold* per-se, but there's something about the breeze that is no longer soft and warm, but nippy, and carrying a slight chill. With fall beginning to really get here, I feel somewhat overwhelmed. There are a lot of things going on and just slightly at the end of the day I start to wonder if I'm still sane or not. For one, I don't think I'll be celebrating my birthday with friends over or anything this year. It's just too much hassle. For another, I feel very at a loss as to what to do about the upcoming Reformation Day event at a church nearby, because I am going to see all my old friends again.
 Along with that, it's just...fall. And wow, it got here so fast. And I feel like...like I'm missing half of it or something. >.<

 And that's all, because my hand is now protesting loudly at it's work-out. *goes to find ice*

 -Argentia Krystofel.

NaNoWriMo-Character Designs, Issues, Etc...

Alright...so, just a brief idea of what I'm TRYING to do for NaNoWriMo. ^.^
 I know for very sure that I have 3 main characters. I also know for very sure that all three of these main characters are going to be male.
 I don't know why that is, actually, except that I think my ability to write females is very lacking and I really don't want to deal with the stress of writing one.
 Of these three guys, I want one to be rather quiet; sticks to himself, doesn't enjoy large crowds, and tends to not open up very easily. He doesn't really have much to hide, but he doesn't prefer sharing unless specifically asked to. It just doesn't cross his mind to do so on a regular basis. He's also a rule-follower.
 He's on a journey, but he's a homebody, creating some confusion in guys 2 and 3...


 Guy 2- Fun loving, energetic-Loves new people, new experiences...or anything that changes the ordinarily "dull" pace of his life. Tends to make things up as he goes, rather than thinking it through before hand. He cannot understand the necessity of theory or planning. He has to be in action, or he feels guilty or unhappy.
 I don't know much about him yet.

 Guy 3-HERE is the trouble maker. I have no idea what sort of personality I want for him. Most would find this extremely easy, but there's just one detail. Guy 1 is an ISTJ, according to Meyers-Briggs typology. Guy 2 is an ESTP. I've been dying, just dying to work with a person like Guy 2. Long-term, I probably wouldn't be able to tolerate one, but somehow their spontaneity...is cute? >.<
 But my issue here is that I don't necessarily want all these types of people to get along. I want them to rub eachother's fur the wrong way-not necessarily on everything, but definitely on a few certain subjects, that to one might be important, but to another, is simply irrelevant. 
 So I sort-of don't know *what* to do with Guy 3. *sigh* I guess I'll have to go consult my psychological-jargon-books for answers. :P Seriously...people act as if I'm the plague when I talk about these things. T.T

 They work for characters. I'm going to prove that.
 *can't wait to write Guy 2*

-Argentia

Update...I guess? lol

This is basically a conglomeration of different posts, just edited so they fit. I've mostly just taken the main subject of each post and...just read. >.< I'm seriously braindead right now.

Ahem.

 So yeah. Anyways, a new blog background!!! Yes, I know I'm late announcing that. It's so pretty-doesn't really match FALL, per-se, but I still love it...all the pink, yellow and orange remind me of Asia and summertime...lol. I need to change it for fall soon, yeah...But I really like it. T.T
 I've done several changes to the blog/organizing of different things here. I hope it looks reasonably better and less cluttered, hahaha.
  Lately, I've been preparing for Christmas by experimenting with candy recipes and soap stuff. On one such candy exploit (I was baking pocky), I took a break while the dough was rising. This happened to me-

While waiting for my pocky dough to rise today, I decided that it would be a fun idea to see if I could find picture of anime characters with green eyes, particularly guys. Typically, you don't get anything to weird when you search this, but for some RANDOM and totally weird reason I got UNDERWEAR on page...5? I mean, seriously Google? Aren't there more pictures for you to display of anime guys with green eyes before you start displaying underwear? Honestly? I'm a girl, but even I was just a tad embarrassed there. 


 Ahem. I guess the only way to find the picture I was wanting is to draw it myself or go to some other site to look, lol
 I almost feel as if I want everyone to make me Christmas lists or something! I only know what I'm doing for ONE friend, and that's only because I just know EXACTLY what to give her without having to even think about it...
  I've also been writing quite a bit recently...this is just a little fragment, that I'm not sure I'll finish but will probably use later. It was just this fleeting feeling, and felt so perfect, I wanted to fly...or something like that.

A slight, cool breeze sneaks in; it's late, on an undoubtedly fall night. Something about this night whispers to me, but I don't know what it is.

And a poem that I wrote...
Just as soon as the words came...
 They disappeared. 

Write the words, words that mean something
 But they don't seem to come, no matter

Whatever I do, they're gone, 
 They're gone like the feeling in your song

Deep inside I know I must write
 But it won't come out onto that endless white

And, the true goal of the post-To rant and rant and rant about NaNoWriMo. ^.^
 It's true that I am part of those crazy people that love to write a 50,000 word novel in November. This year I really thought I wasn't going to do it, or wouldn't be able to pull it off, but I decided after much deliberation, that I would. Actually, it took a few of posts like this one-

As for your boy, I am a girl INFP but I have come to know many... a lot of them are the sensitive artist type. They tend to be extremely nice, well-intentioned boys who usually have some sort of talent (like writing perhaps!), but they are also shy. A shy dude isn't too different from a shy girl, really, just without the whole "cutesy" stigma. Its acceptable and cute to be a shy girl, but a shy guy is mostly just quiet and soft-spoken, and often has frustrations with this because guys are (according to society) supposed to be tough and manly and protective. Not that they aren't! My best buddy who is an INFP guy is protective, but not agressively so, if that makes sense. But the stigma of being agressive is seen as acceptable in society, so that can provide some frustration and so on, if you need to add that in. Think about how genders are "supposed" to act, and see how he compares... and maybe he doesn't care, but is frustrated that the girls all like the badboys when hes a genuinely nice guy and just is too shy to make any moves (for example).-Post on NaNo forums.

 Ah, such a perfect description of those INFP boys. Quiet, artistic, sensitive, but longing to be able to compare to those bad boy types that get all the attention. This was truly a good motivation for me. I knew I wanted to write a novel about the different personalities-not directly about them, but about how people don't always get along with eachother, but can learn to appreciate eachother. I'm not going to go on one of my many long rants about how I make all of this work, but it really does. I'm extremely passionate about people and their differences, and in the past two days I've recently come up with a plot for one of the three main characters. I'll do another post on all of that soon.
 *sigh* Some days, I feel like ISTJs  and INFP's follow me around or something. I know at least four ISTJ males (not including my dad), and at least three INFP males. I wonder why that happens...I don't really get along with them, I just sort of...tolerate them? I mean, I love them...but I just wonder why I know so many of them. Do we act like magnets to eachother or something? :P

 Alright...off to write another post about my novel! YAY! You have two posts in one day to read, both of which are rambling nothings that you probably skip...oh, well. Enjoy if you can, reader.


-Argent

Yet Another Story

I get the feel like writing in October a lot. >.>
 Especially *cough* this character *cough*.

*Snow drifted down; white flakes against an endless gray sky. No sound but the softly falling snow could be heard in that moment, but there was one thing, though silent, couldn't be avoided. Blood...there was blood in the snow. Ailith glanced down to see her brother, eyes closed, body limp, a curled up, scarlet-stained blotch in the perfectly white snow.

There was a soft breeze that chilled her as she realized what had happened. Kyle was dead.

Slowly, she stepped back from his lifeless form, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. Then, she stopped. A presence was felt behind her; she turned, hoping it might be someone who could explain what had happened.

A tall man, lanky, brunette, wearing tattered and bloody clothes, stood before her. His dirty jaw was set, with no expression, and as the freezing wind whispered, softly, soundlessly, his hair was blown from his clear gray eyes.

Hatred filled his cutting gaze, and though no words were said, she knew his hands were stained with the blood of the young man dead in front of her.

Ailith stepped back, fear taking over her. His relentless eyes continued to stare at her. She tried to run away, but her feet wouldn't respond; she opened her mouth to scream, and-*

*Ailith's eyes snapped open as the sound of her own shout awakened her. She breathed in and out for a few moments, then quickly took in her surroundings; dark room, someone breathing softly, the quiet sound of people talking below.

It had all been a dream; they were in the inn still and the person breathing was Kyle. Still, blood pounded in her ears and her breathing was panicked. After only a few moments more, she sat up, trying to settle her thoughts. The events of the dream wouldn't leave her mind, rather, she was involuntarily remembering events of the past; the image of Rurik's lifeless eyes, her last memory of home, flashed through her mind, and suddenly a sob welled up in her throat. She tried to contain it, but it was far too powerful, and though she told herself it was just a dream, over and over, a tear still slipped down her cold cheek. One after another fell, until she found herself weeping as quietly as she could in the dark room.*

Posting three times in a row would just be too much, though...
Very minor editing, btw.

 -Argentia

Warm and Fuzzy

 Wrapped in warmth, I feel amazing! The Highlanders Festival at Radford was today, and I spent almost the the entire day there. It was FREEZING, but actually really fun. I wore a costume (yes!) and so did my little brother and friends. We listened to great bagpipe music, eat shortbread, brave the elements and watch (or in my brothers case, do) some great swordplay. Yes, I'm a fan of my own brother. :P
 Afterwards I headed home with our pastor and my friend Megan, and we went to their house for supper-a nice beef soup. It was warm, and cozy, and we laughed and talked a lot and had a great time.


 So I feel warm and cozy right now. :) I just want to smile a lot and listen to nice music...it feels nice to know that fall is finally here, winter will soon follow, and I can rest for a while. And be able to wrap up in a warm sweater. My biggest worries seem to just be so unimportant...thank You, Lord! :)

 Also...today, my little brother Elliott turned 11. It feels so weird to see my 5 year old sister wearing his favorite coat when HE was 5, and trying to remember Elliott being THAT small. Megan played me a song today that reminded me so much of Elliott-Close To You, by the Carpenters. Here's a little of the lyrics-

On the day that you were born,
 The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
 So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair 
 of gold, and starlight in your eyes of blue

Which is why, all the girls in town
 Want to follow you all around
 Just like me, they want to be
  Close to you.

 Sorry if it makes you embarrassed one day, but the song really does remind me of you, Elliott.
 Happy Birthday. :)

-Argentia <3

More poetry...

I just looked around a few Sundays ago and realized that at King's produce, the flowers have been set out again. This years selection is almost entirely yellow. Most people would consider this a real bummer, but to me, it's more than wonderful and oh-so-sweet. Yellow is my favorite color, and fall holds some incredibly *special* memories for me. So...
The poetry mood came again. *smiles innocently*

 I don't guarantee anyone will like this one.


 Flowers, yellow-my favorite color
 Someone said to give one away
 But I couldn't do anything of the sort
 Still, took it home that day

 It sits on my dresser now
 Along with other things of note
 Special, a little memory
 A diary entry that someone else wrote

 Things were inevitably simple then
 As the past does normally go
 Fall is the season I learn things, I think
 I think it enables a person to grow

 I think that we all learned something
 Really, in retrospect, I'm sure
 That she and he and you and they
 Learned something amidst the blur

 Of leaves and laughs and the bright blue sky
 With clouds drifting through it,
 Three dimensional clouds that I never looked at before
 And walkways the sun has lit

 Perfect hours of rushing and warmth
 That was a long time ago
 A new friend, lost ones, different things
 That before I didn't know


 I won't forget, I promise forever
 Leather gloves, English accents, and flat caps
 Cold weather, running faster than before
 Still different than now, still less confusing, better perhaps

 Words filled the page, black on white
 Hours on ends spent thinking
 I longed and longed to truly learn how to write
 And that's what I spent my time doing


 Things were funny back then
 A lot of things are when you're young
 I wonder why, I wonder when
 We'll laugh like that, a song we've sung

 Burnt out like a candle on a lonely night
 It's a simple fact, truth of the matter
 Everything can't always go right,
 But I promise, I'll still try to remember

 Cold days, spent in my own world,
 Watching the trees slowly loose their leaves
 Their hands, raised toward the sky
 The harvest pictures, with wheat in sheaves

 Then there were those moments
 When I felt the coldness
 Even stronger, and it still torments
 My soul, why was it always this?


 Fall is coming on again,
 Brilliant, beautiful, yet cold
 What will it bring me?
 What does the season hold?











 

 

Dreaming my Dreams, With You

 I remember waking up and realizing it immediately, then shoving my head back down into the fluffy mass of pillow and blanket. A dream. A dream. How could it be a dream? What kind-of game was this?
 My mind, almost involuntarily, does a bit of a flash-back over the contents of my dream. I can almost feel myself sitting on a bed, in someone else's room, talking to them. I was worried about a lot of things, but I wasn't about to let them dictate what I said. It wasn't a bright place; the walls were white but a blue colored light in the corner made the whole room darker. I don't think there were any windows, even.
 My subconscious never realized it was fake until I began to wake up, and then it was instantly. Sometimes, I still believe a dream is real for about a minute after waking up (I have to get things sorted out it my head) but this time...it was almost as if in only one day I had learned something, and doubted what I thought was reality as soon as I could.
 Really, dreams like this are horrible. I want to remain in the dream, yet I wake up and instantly realize it wasn't real, and yet, I don't want to keep dreaming, because although the dream was great, it was also a little uncomfortable, and, it wasn't real. If it got too good, then I would be REALLY disappointed when I woke up. XD

Also, I feel somewhat depressed about my own stuff lately, too. I'm not so much depressed about other people, so it's safe to say I'm really just being selfish. XD Oh, well.

 -Argent

Now I'm Not So Sure...

That moment when I realized that their ending would never be one which was happy. Like some tragic half-hint of a love story that died before it had a chance to even begin; like a never spoken secret that was buried beneath tears of fear, guilt and questions; like a rose, budded, but snipped, their story fell to the ground; potential it had, but there was never a way it could have happened.

As a writer, I feel that their story is one I would never accomplish without a little help. I want to continue on my own, filling in the void that I know will haunt me on rainy October nights, but I cannot. If I write it wrong, I'll never get over it. I have an attraction to happy endings. As is such, I keep thinking of all the possible messes I could turn a good story into. This story into. So I stand here, thinking I learned something from her, but in reality I learned nothing. I'm still waiting, waiting on something, to make the ending.

The times for me to truly be equal enough to finish are gone, slipping like a sly fox through the underbrush, out of my sight, though etched upon my mind in permanent ink. I accepted the fact that I would have to wait for my ending. Some how I trusted that I wouldn't wait long.

Now I'm going to wait forever. I can look back, or forward, wonderstruck, as if somehow this is a story that needs told to people, but really, it's just a story, just a little scribble in the middle of the night.

But it's THEIR story...it's the best story. It's been mulled over, fought over, grumbled over. In other words, it's received the unofficial declaration of true writing.

What kind of a writer am I to not fight for it?

In Which Nothing New Happens, Really.

(Author Note: This seriously hasn't been edited much. I'm just going to go ahead and post it since I haven't posted any of it in a while. I think I'll probably do some more writing this evening, so wait for it. Also, Lukas hates me. He never does what I want him to.)



Well, thankfully, I wasn't left to rot, as I might've already explained.
Richard wasn't the worst host there could be; after all, he didn't kill me. He visited sometimes; asking me vague and seemingly unrelated questions like, “what books have you read?”, and “how long has it been since your accident?”. I usually became exasperated with his questioning, and then he would leave, only to come back several days later to ask me more. He brought be a single book, and I began to feel like the protagonists in the legends my grandmother used to tell me when I was young; her favorite was about a young man who was locked in a tower by his brother. His brother then let him spend his time alone, with nothing to busy himself with, for ten years. The man went completely crazy. I suppose Richard isn't the only weird one in my family.
The August days were coming to an end, and September was sweeping in with a cool breeze. Winter always came early for us. I stared across the countryside sometimes, the crisp air of Autumn filling my lungs. I tried to keep myself busy with whatever I could. I grew to spend most of my mornings sleeping, and then stare at the starry sky long into the night, searching for constellations and occasionally catching a star falling from the sky in a brilliant streak. I would watch birds, think about a multitude of things, and attempt to come up with theories for dealing with the sleeping girl.

A notable visit from Richard occurred a week or so after my imprisonment. He opened the door (I think), and sat down upon the bedside. I was currently entertained out on the balcony, and came in when I heard his voice. imagine my utmost surprise when I saw him leaned over, staring intently into the girl's face.

“Hey, what are you doing?” I asked.

“Ah, nothing, really. Just wondering...”

“You're 'wondering' a little too close to her face.” I replied indignantly, taking a seat on the chest.

“Funny you would say that, since you even tried kissing her a second time.”

“Well, when given an ultimatum like yours I-wait, how did you know about that?”

“I don't know...” Richard began, sighing, gazing off into the distance, “I guess you could say I've been watching you through a sort-of crystal ball.”

“A crystal ball. Brilliant.”

“Indeed.” I don't think my cousin knows what sarcasm is, unless he's the one using it.

A few moments of silence passed; myself deeply interested in how he really had been watching me, since crystal balls were just nonsense. I sighed; questioning how on earth I had become so interested in things that were such a pathetic excuse for entertainment.

His gray eyes were still gazing distantly.

“You know...you could try killing her.”

I felt at that moment that I was sure of it. I couldn't stand this man.

“Are you serious? Kill her? That would just put her into an eternal sleep!”

“Yes, but the spell would be broken and I could go get Aurelia.”

I shook my head violently.

“She might just be a simple peasant, but I don't think it's a good idea to just go murder her. I-”

Richard took a dagger from his cloak and slapped it on the bed beside him.

“Your choice, cousin. But, if you need to use the dagger...I'm not stopping you.”

And with that, he walked out.

In case any person might wonder why I didn't spring on him and tackle him to the ground, tie him up with the bedcovers and leave...it hadn't occurred to me yet. What had occurred to me was that I really needed to ask to be given some paper, so I might write down any thoughts that occurred to me. I wasn't sure if my nutcase cousin would give me what I requested, but it was worth a try.

I now could add a dagger to my inventory of items to entertain myself with. Killing Richard wouldn't be a good idea; so far, he'd kept me alive with food and water, too spite seeming to think a person can spend a week by themselves without starting to feel a bit lonely and perhaps a tad crazy.

I sighed deeply. Recalling the even, i looked back into the room at the girl, the same way I had the day I'd caught Richard staring at her.

In that moment, nearly two weeks since my last visit from Richard, I thought how it might be nice if I could get to know her. Put aside all of mother's complaints and laments of me completely lacking in tolerance for personalities that clashed with mine...I was so hopelessly bored I didn't care about that. I just wanted something to do with myself.

Desperation isn't something I'm used to experiencing.

The writers pen...

At an hour past midnight
The writer's pen strikes his paper


His pen is his sword
His pen is his alibi
His pen is all he needs to continue

He's a writer
A writer of love songs
His silence is beautiful
But his voice is strong

Writer, writer, in the night
Who is it who you search for?
What does lead your endless plight
What makes your thoughts soar?

Above your head, round and round
The reason is unknown to me
But I can tell, that without a doubt
Your pen is what helps you see

All you do is search and search
And lament your plight, your heartbreak
Even your life like a boat does lurch
Back and forth, back and forth, everything at stake

You shut down, lukewarm, but "satisfied"
But your pen always tells you more
Than you thought you knew
About yourself





You communicate a feeling, a feeling that is lacing your words like silver the clouds. A feeling that is like watching someone glance at you from the corner of their eye; sharing a secret emotion. A feeling that speaks of a hidden place, a small treasure that so few can unlock, open and see, but is rewarding beyond measure when accomplished. Why is it you write so powerfully? I cannot write like that. I wonder if it simply takes time. How can I communicate my small detail? That small detail that without even describing, you manage to make come alive...

Rainy Sundays...

It's raining. At 11:34 AM on a Sunday. In September.


Where? You can figure that out for yourself.



The rain falls light, pattering against the panes of glass without too much urgency. No, rather, the rain simply blurs everything outside. Inside, you can see. Outside, you cannot. Will you traverse into the unknown?
 Go, put on your coat. Something simple. Grab your umbrella, or pull over your hood, or slap on your fedora, whatever you prefer. Or if you don't prefer anything, no matter. Slip on your sunglasses; the sun isn't shining but the light you've got directed at you might make it hard to even walk without them.
 Head toward the door, and leave the people behind.
Go out into the rainy streets and spend a little time with your thoughts. You've spent so much time doing it, I know, but now...it's raining.
It's raining on Sunday.
Sanctuary, it isn't where you've been looking and it isn't in the place you used to go.
You spot it as you walk down the street, and you stop.
For a moment, you reconsider.
For a moment, you wonder if you really want anything to do with anyone anymore.
But you do. You stay far in the background; partly out of fear, partly because of that light, and partly from shame. But besides all of this, you listen.




 I wrote this while over at our neighbors house, watching their dog. It was late at night, we were planning on sleeping over (yes, they said we could do this), so while watching television, I wrote on my computer. This is what came out of it. I was somewhat dreaming of the days when it will rain on Sunday. When it rains on Sunday, I always think deeper.

 It's going to rain on Sunday this week...

H.E.L.P.

Right now, I'm facing a small dilemma-
 Handful of individuals giving me a mental hassle about their heartache and headache and hopeless happenings and hell-bound state.
 Every single time I try to explain the events I have planned, I get an enigmatic, easy-going, extremely uninterested reply, or some expression of false enthusiasm. RAIEN CAN'T NAME HIMSELF, FOLKS!
 Likely, there is a not so loveable individual who is lurking in the long shadows and looking at my life's story and liking my posts on facebook and literally driving me crazy with their...not-so-likeable-ness.
 Please, my perfectly perfect plans have been slightly punctured by the presence of particular persons. HAVE PITY!!!

And all those letters together spell...H.e.l.p.

 Somebody...T.T


Anyway, as I sit here in my hopeless state, I look forward to tomorrow...and hope the laundry is cleaned up before Hannah comes over...